Some months ago it was time to see my period.  A few days late I took a test.  I expected nothing because unlike every other time I was late, my body felt 100% normal – my post birthing Maisy periods proved to be quite the enigma when it came to a timely arrival.  I hid the test in case it was positive so I could do something awesome to tell Josh about an incoming baby.

The test said “+” and I froze.  Without thinking I walked to where Josh was and showed him the test and we both freaked out excitedly.  So much for doing some creative reveal for the hubs!  I grinned ear to ear the rest of the evening – that lovestruck look you get when your mom asks you to talk about the person you’re crushing on.

Me just at 6 weeks.  It’s amazing how much faster I’m showing with this baby.  Loving it!

Today I am 17 weeks in and as healthy and happy as can be.  We are due September 21 and are excited for our upcoming home birth and having a newborn in the house again!

First, I want it to be primarily known that I never have and never will judge a mom for what they choose to do to get their child to sleep.  I share my story for two reasons only:  to encourage other moms to support their fellow moms in whatever sleep journey they have chosen and to share my story in hopes that other moms see the benefit of fighting the “no-cry” fight.  Cry-it-out is so much easier, but no-cry is so worth it!

What does the “no-cry” sleep method look like?  Well, it means you get your baby to sleep without tears.  Completely without tears?  I’ve discovered that is a no because the battle often made me cry or so angry that I made her cry (yes, I am ashamed of that).  There have also been times, now that she’s older, that she’ll either fake cry or fuss and I’ll let her do that in her room because the former is manipulative and the latter means she’s about to fall asleep but she’s making one more stab at warding Neverneverland off (and me entering the room at that time would wind her up again).

The main book I referenced in my “no-cry” journey was The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night.  In this book there are all kinds of ideas on how to get your baby to sleep without letting them cry – everything from creating a routine, to giving them a lovey, to rocking them, to playing music, etc.

In a world where “cry-it-out” is the way to go I’ve found motherhood to be one step harder, but not in the way you’d expect.  The three main challenges I faced were the sleep itself, judgements from other moms, and finding a caregiver willing to commit to “no-cry” sleep time.

Truth is, I have a challenged sleeper on my hands and she’d remain so “cry-it-out” or “no-cry.”  She’s just so excited to be alive and hanging out with me that sleep is constantly at the bottom of her priority list.  I’ve worked hard to get her to be the sleeper she is, perhaps too hard, perhaps I took it too seriously… perhaps not.  What I do know is I largely did it without letting her cry.

I often felt judged by other moms.  They often told me I was “spoiling” my baby or that I was “doing it wrong” and that my baby would be a good sleeper if I would just let her cry-it-out.  It’s because of those moms I ended up trying the cry-it-out method at all.  It didn’t do anything but teach me my baby girl was going to cry for every nap and bedtime for a minimum of 15 minutes.  If I don’t want to cry twice a day for 15 minutes I certainly don’t want my baby girl to experience that daily sorrow.

As a mom who puts her baby to sleep in a “no-cry” way it is nearly impossible to find a caregiver willing to commit to the same.  It’s especially tricky because Maisy is so die hard all about Mommy that she tends to cry for other caregivers simply because they are not me.  Not even Josh can do sleep stuff without getting yelled at or having lots of tears shed – poor guy.  ‘Tis the lot of this musician’s wife.  With Josh on the road so much Maisy is so used to me doing sleep with her that she downright refuses to allow him to help even when he is home.

So why did I choose the “no-cry” method and why did I stick with it despite the struggles?  Well, to be honest, the main reason is that when I prayed long and hard for a health care provider for my daughter I prayed for someone I could trust.  Dr. Mallory has been that in every way, from ear infections, to vaccinations, to breastfeeding, to the other natural remedies I so wished for.  So why wouldn’t I trust her when she said “no-cry” was the way to go because your baby is only learning to distrust you when you let them cry-it-out?

Before I even became a mom, before I even got pregnant, one thing I knew was that I wanted to form a trusting and emotionally connected bond to my kids.  I knew I wanted this not for my babies, toddlers, and small children, but primarily for the years still far in front of me, the teenage years.  As a result, the decisions I make as a parent now not only are working towards creating good and kind adults, but they largely revolve around my relationship goal.  I’m fighting now for the cornerstones of a relationship with my teenage Maisy that inspires her to confide in me, even if she does something terrible.  If that means I have to spend a longer time getting my daughter to sleep in these early years, so be it.

Now-a-days she still doesn’t go to sleep by herself and I’ve become intensely grateful.  Very honestly, the time I spend with her before she falls asleep for her naps and bedtime is my favorite part of the day.  We read books, pray, and cozy in to her bed to snuggle until she drifts off enough for me to sneak out.  I love it so much that most nights I actually spend way longer than necessary in that little bed with her because I can’t pull my self away from the inverted spoon and cheek to cheek snuggle we find ourselves in.

-Written in late August, 2015; edited in late March, 2016

I have the privilege of playing mommy to 5 kids during the week days.  It really is a blessing, but it also turned out to be quite a hair-brained journey at the beginning.  The hair-brained journey began when Maisy realized a couple of days in that all the girls were seemingly scheduled to invade her home everyday from then on.  She set her jaw and unleashed a fury of tantrums, bouts of screaming, hitting, and throwing… none of which I had ever seen her do even once before.

After coaching Maisy in my usual ways and seeing no change of heart I put my daughter in her first time out ever and my heart was thoroughly unprepared to actually start practicing the art of “time outs” with my 15-month-old baby girl. She cried hard and my heart shattered thoroughly.  Of course I new the day of discipline would come and I thought I was ready for it, but I was not ready for how much it would hurt me.  After a brief stay in her time out pen I went to retrieve her.

“Are you going to be nice now?”

With desperate, tear-stained eyes she answered, “Da.”

We nursed to reconicle and calm down.

It seemed like only seconds later and I was putting her back in time out (though, in fact, it was a half a day later).  She cried and my already fragile heart shattered again.  After some time I went in to retrieve her.

“Are you ready to be nice now?”

With desperate, tear-stained eyes she answered, “Da.”

I nursed my hyperventilating daughter again.  As she nursed I talked.

“Maisy, mommy hates this more than you do.  No part of me wants to.  It hurts my heart badly to have to discipline you like this.  But I do it because I love you.  I hope one day you can understand that.  And I know you probably don’t even understand the meaning of this treatment yet but I pray you do, that you do soon, and that soon we will maybe not have to go all the way to the time out but that you’ll stop being naughty at the mere mention of a time out.  All I want is to love on you and play with you, I can’t do that when I have to discipline you for being naughty.”

I love my jobs.  All of them.  I love being a mom.  I love being a mom to 4 others during the weekday through mommy day care.  I love being a wife to an incredible man doing incredible work way too far away from home, way too often.  And I love my first love, photography.  My first love gets the last priority anymore.

Right now, being married to Citizen Way is like…

• Only being able to talk to your best friend via Morris Code for weeks at a time.
• Nearly single parenting about half the time.
• Spending nights completely alone – can’t go anywhere with Maisy asleep in bed.
• Turning into a beggar woman simply to find a few hours of loving care for an incredible daughter while you work.

This doing marriage often from a distance and doing parenting nearly alone is not easy, but it is rewarding and life-giving.  It is incredible and occasionally drops a seriously amazing fun thing in our laps. But, most of all, it is what we love… for better or for worse.

And honestly, I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for anything else.  We, Josh and I, choose this lifestyle because we are called to it.  He is doing incredible things for the kingdom on the road.  And, in simpler terms, he’s absolutely doing what he loves and what he’s been made to do.  And the same goes for me.  I am doing incredible things just within these four walls as I raise one daughter and help raise four others.  My photography work, in terms of the Kingdom, is something of a meaningless job.  I pray it is a job that produces images that may inspire a family or marriage to stay together, but what I do know is that it is a job that gives me immense joy and life.  It also is a job that provided for us for the first 4.5 years of marriage!  We are blessed beyond measure and I know it every moment of my life.  Now I know it’s just simply a matter of problem solving!

Today we talk about problem solving for…

Turning into a beggar woman simply to find a few hours of loving care for an incredible daughter while you work.

I am a determined woman in a busy world and though I have photography to do I seldom have the care to back me and Maisy up.  With a husband and dad gone on the road my newest, greatest challenge is maintaining my also beloved work life.  The editing part is simple; I do that when children are napping and/or when Maisy is in bed for the night. But the shoots… well therein lies the challenge.

When daddy is here I get to leave Maisy behind for a daddy-daughter fun day.  It doesn’t get any better than that!  But leaving Maisy behind with anyone other than her daddy is harder than ripping a Brazilian wax job off oneself.  I am not a crier but I promise I sob until my eyes are red and puffy every time I even think my daughter won’t be shown love in my absence.  It’s not that I don’t trust other people with my daughter, it’s that what I long for is someone she knows, trusts, and cares for that knows and cares for her in return.  I want something like what I am to the 4 girls that I care for during the week.  If I find that, I know I get to perform a drop off that isn’t full of tears, on both sides, and that she is having fun and being loved on while I’m off working.

So what did I do?  I prayed.  I prayed hard.  Some months later and God has answered my prayer!  God is so good that he’s placed such a person into our lives!  So far she has cared for Maisy one time and it couldn’t have gone better!  God answers prayers, big and small.