This year is the year of two photo sessions! Josh and I usually do an anniversary photo shoot once a year around our wedding anniversary. But, this year, we are expecting our first babe and thought a 9 month maternity shoot was in order! Mandy Henry has photographed so much of the important moments in our life, we were so excited to share this one with her as well!
Written October 19, 2013 at 16 weeks pregnant
They don’t tell you how hard it is to keep the biggest secret of your life!
One, telling the world you are engaged is close to, but not as big as telling the world you are pregnant with your first child. Let me explain, when we were engaged we were so excited to tell the world that we were so in love that we wanted to commit the rest of our lives together. Now, four years later, our love is worlds different and worlds stronger, more passionate, and more lovely than the day we announced we were engaged. So, with our new inseparable love and a baby on the way that we get to love and grow together I have found my level of excitement about our new adventure exponentially higher. Then, unlike being able to immediately announce your engaged, you are strongly encouraged by this unwritten rule to withhold your exciting news until after your first trimester is complete. That’s three months of big secrecy folks!
Two, you miss out on the camaraderie. The first trimester is tough because I am dead tired, ridiculously hungry, and slightly queasy ALL THE TIME, my boobs ache as if they are being weighed down by rocks, and I have no one but my hubby to talk to about it – and though sympathetic and understanding he’s still a dude. I find myself wanting people to ask me the questions I like to ask pregnant friends. How have you been feeling? Were you surprised? What kind of birth are you going to have? Are you going to find out if it’s a boy or a girl?
Three, with Josh gone through the majority of this first trimester, having some help now would be huge… but since I have to keep quiet there is no such luck on that front! For example, having my own personal dinner chef now would mean the world of a difference! I’m so starving so suddenly that I can only manage to pile in whatever I can find immediately – this also means my choices aren’t as healthy as they could be if I had time to put something together. And though I’m not showing, my movements are already limited beyond what the average Kaia did; I can’t lift things lift heavy things off the ground because my uterus cramps up in protest. Where is my man when I need him right? 😉
But now, if this post is up, I am able to share my news with the whole world and now have a network of friends and family to be excited with me and help me 🙂
– Written October 9, 2013 (5 weeks)
Beginnings foster surreal excitement. They are moments when the whole world feels like it is within your grasp.
The moment Josh and I decided to “pull the goalie” I was flush with the kind of excitement that is rarely experienced. It’s the kind of excitement that you don’t realize you are experiencing until your mom catches you blushing and grinning at a text message from your boyfriend or girlfriend. It also feels like Christmas morning when you anticipate opening the gifts under the tree. Anyway, my cheeks constantly held a lively shade of scarlet and I couldn’t keep a grin off my face.
I started looking up my symptoms. Every new bodily experience of mine brought up pregnancy links first. In these links “I knew” became a broken record – women just seemed to sense when they were pregnant even before missing their period or taking a test. I grew more fearful that I wouldn’t “know” like these women did. I wanted to have this seemingly divine experience with my baby and know it was there before a test told me so. Almost right away I had inklings of knowing but I told myself it was probably unlikely just so I wouldn’t get my hopes up.
Then there was simply no denying it. I remember telling Josh I would be concerned about my aching breasts and surprised if I wasn’t pregnant. Finally, I was so confident I even started praying for our little baby before I even took the test.
Josh and I decided we wanted to find out together rather than have me surprise him with the news. I was 5 days late for my period when he got home from tour so almost right after I got home from work we both went into the bathroom to take the test. Ordinarily I am a pee-in-a-cup pro, but this time I totally botched it up. To my relief, Josh appeared engrossed in other things and missed my moment of shame. I didn’t want to sneak glances at the little dipstick because I really wanted Josh to discover the answer first. So I left the bathroom but when I came back to grab something I could see “pregnant” in my periphery. I gasped, picked it up for closer examination, then turned it to Josh. We stared, wide-eyed at each other for a fraction of a second then I fell into his arms with tears in my eyes. For good measure, we left the test out on the counter until the battery died – I couldn’t help but think the test just might change its mind.
I already love where this new journey is taking me and Josh. He’s already so sweet, offering to cook me food, packing my lunch, and seeking to meet my every whim. I will not be demanding. In fact, so far I beat him to the punch on these things and often reply, “oh, I already packed my lunch” or “oh, I already did that.” But it is awesome knowing he wants to be so present and helpful. I know he’s anxiously awaiting the advent of my cravings. I just hope he’s not too disappointed if what I want is something like broccoli instead of pizza or Oreos.
And now, as I write this, I am keeping the biggest secret of my life when all I want to do is tell the whole world! Today I was asked by one of my new co-workers if Josh and I had children. I wanted to say yes, but paused for a fraction of a second before I answered with, “no, but we have two dogs.” I feel like I’m lying. But, I suppose, to a lot of people, the eye-of-a-needle sized person I’m carrying with me is not a life yet. But to me, this is my child and I am already fiercely protective. I can only pray and hope that my body is so kind and nurturing to this little cutie and anticipate the day when I can protect them with my own arms.
The best part of all of this though, is the love I feel from my Father. I didn’t expect to get pregnant right away. I set these expectations because I am aware it is often times takes several months for even the healthiest of couples to conceive. When I saw our positive pregnancy test I was overtaken by a feeling or warmth and love – like God was giving me a long congratulatory hug and whispering “I love you” the whole time. I feel so blessed to have conceived right away.
For more baby making storytelling CLICK HERE.