Tag Archives: Bemusings of a Baby Life

First Heart Beat

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Bemusings of a Baby Life

– story takes place November 18, 2014 at 10 weeks.

The firsts of life fill the voids of dull days with excitement and anticipation. With a first pregnancy a whole new world of firsts opens before your eyes. Unlike experiencing your own firsts in childhood or all the firsts that come along with getting married, having a baby places you in the passenger seat of these first experiences. When your baby first kicks you it is your first experience feeling the kick but it is, in fact, the baby that dictated that moment, not you. I’m slowly realizing the only experience that puts a new mom in the driver’s seat, my only moment of remote control, in this process of growing life is the birth experience. Besides natural biology, it is your will that pushes your baby into the world – that baby doesn’t do a thing to help you. Then you get to watch your baby grow and experience the many firsts within their young life. Again you are in the passenger seat but, perhaps, more along the lines of a drivers ed teacher. So much of your child’s early life is dictated, inspired, and steered by your guidance and involvement but, ultimately, it is up to your baby to actually take those first steps and say those first words.

Dialing back into the world of pregnancy, I quickly discovered just how new my whole world would be. On top of carrying a new little life around with me everywhere I also started moving through a progression of pregnancy symptoms, my body started changing and I’ve been told it will never be the same again, and I suddenly have another person to factor in when making any decisions – short or long term. I feel like the moment I get a handle on taking care of one pregnancy symptom I suddenly graduate to the next pregnancy symptom. Going hand in hand with the symptoms is my sometimes visibly, sometimes not so visibly changing body. Early on in my pregnancy I remember my midwife telling me to pamper myself because my body was taking on enormous amounts of stress. I supposed she was right but didn’t remotely sense or understand how my tiny baby bump could cause such stress. Well, here I am a few months later and I completely get it. And then there’s the last puzzle piece, I don’t even have my baby in my arms and yet I have to plan my career out differently, I have to set travel plans considering my pregnant state, and I even have to look at my food and decide whether or not it’s a good choice for the baby.

All of these thoughts and concerns whizzed through my mind during the first trimester. My brain was a planet full of questions with no answers. Then I heard my baby’s heartbeat. I remember this moment in slow motion. I was lying on my back with my belly and too much of my lower territory exposed. The moment my midwife located the heart beat she handed the ear piece to me. I had a brief hold up before I accepted. In the back of my mind I had wanted Josh to hear the baby’s heartbeat first but in my stupor of excitement I couldn’t manage to decipher how to redirect this course of action so I simply took them and fumbled them onto my head. In the mere seconds I allowed myself to hear that precious beating before passing the ears over to Josh I felt my swelling mass of unknowns suddenly shrink into oblivion. The knowledge of the healthy little life within me was all I needed to mellow out. Suddenly and finally I had confirmation that my baby was safe and I was put at ease that if I didn’t do anything to harm our baby yet I could probably carry them safely through the rest of the pregnancy and into my eager arms.

Just as I was realizing my newfound peace I got to watch Josh’s face light up and hear him gasp in awe as he heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time.

Things People Don’t Tell You About Being Pregnant

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Bemusings of a Baby Life

– written February 11, 2013 at 22 weeks.

So there are a good number of things I was aware about when it comes to being pregnant.  There are normal “symptoms,” body changes, and anticipation.  Of course, experiencing the reality of pregnancy is different than hearing about it, but besides that there were a couple additional surprises that came my way after I got knocked-up.

  1. People don’t just parent your parenting style when you’re carting around a kiddo (because I’ve heard this is very common)… apparently that starts at pregnancy.

    I’ve gotten all sorts of private Facebook messages and otherwise unsolicited advice about how to be a good mom to your baby during pregnancy.  Unsolicited is the key word.  People tell you what you should and shouldn’t be eating, what you must buy, that you have to breast feed, that you have to use a doula, that you have to go to Le Le Leche meetings, that you have to take a birthing class… At first, I was livid.  Each time I received such doses of advice I would talk myself down from my boiling point by rationalizing that no one was actually trying to be rude or bossy (even though they were) and that they were probably just trying to help.  That works for me.  I have also found that the more selective I am with sharing my pregnancy via statuses the better.  Truth is, the more I thought about how much this bothered me the more I realized it was probably a matter of pride.  It always feels like a slap in the face to realize a matter of pride.  That being said, I have gotten much better about accepting advice, whether asked for or not.

  2. Suddenly you will feel old.

    I understood that there probably would be plenty of times during pregnancy when I wouldn’t feel sexy and I would feel uncomfortable.  What I didn’t expect was to be having to rise slowly out of a seated or lying down position even this early in the pregnancy.  My lower back and abdomen protest in ways I didn’t expect to experience until far later into the pregnancy.  I watch older folks get out of their seats and realize all over again that I look exactly like that now-a-days.

Now you know.  You’re welcome 😉

More Symptoms

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Bemusings of a Baby Life:  More Symptoms

My symptoms in my 4 – 12 weeks of pregnancy.

For all you ladies who would like to know what to expect when expecting!  I sure did!

  1. Cramping

    This concerned me at first.  Especially since they felt almost exactly like medicated period cramps.  Medicated is the key word and why I wasn’t as concerned as I could have been because I was not on any medication.  None-the-less, I wanted to be sure my body was rejecting the baby.  After a little reading I decided I was normal and shouldn’t fret.  In my reading I learned that this kind of cramping signifies the expansion of the uterus.  My body was just making room for baby.

  2. Dizzy spells

    Sometimes I get dizzy when I am malnourished or ill and stand up too fast.  When I’m in a really sad condition I may even see stars as my world spins.  Well, with this baby growing up in my belly I find that I am almost always malnourished and in a really sad condition so I happen to see stars a lot lately.  Don’t worry, I don’t fall over, but I am surprised I haven’t yet.  To solve my problem I finally got in the habit of carrying food around with me everywhere.  It helps.

  3. Hunger

    This doesn’t feel like I’m starving.  It also doesn’t feel like I’m just, plain hungry.  No, it feels like my body has become a monster and taken over my mental facilities in desperation to get food instantly.  Finally learning to keep food with me 24/7 also helped this problem.

  4. Rashes

    I usually get alligator skin when the dry winter hits.  I think because of that and pregnancy hormones my skin is breaking out in rashes at random.  They are particularly permanent and angry on my shins and hands but sometimes they also attack my belly, my elbows and my bum.  These rashes aren’t just any ‘ol rash either!  Picture being bitten by 50 mosquitoes almost on top of each other, feel that itch, then compound that itch by 10 times because that’s what my skin feels like.  The itch is absolutely insatiable!  My secret to ease the pain: coconut oil.  It doesn’t immediately dull the itch but if I put it on and determine not to touch my warring skin I win the battle and the itch subsides until the next attack.

  5. Cravings

    I rarely experience the raw sensation of wanting something so bad it won’t abate until I devour whatever item holds my attention.  On the occasion I do come up with a craving it is much to the disappointment of my hubby.  He loves fulfilling my cravings.  I just think he wishes more of my cravings were things he wanted to enjoy with me.  So far my cravings have been things like cheese and crackers, miso soup, sushi, fried rice, prunes, beer cheese soup, carrots and ranch dip, and blueberry muffins.   If he had it his way I would only crave pizza and ice cream 😉

  6. Crying

    I don’t cry.  Now I’m pregnant and I get teary reading books, watching movies, witnessing a mildly tender moment, and in moments when I feel intensely loved.  But look out if I’m stressed then the whole dam breaks loose and the flow doesn’t relent until my teary reservoir is emptied.  The tears have never flowed like this!  There is no stopping it.  They gush out.  It’s like I have extra fluid and the only way it can be released is by crying it out.  Also, this is ugly crying.  I am a hyperventilating hyena and by the end of it I’m sporting some pretty serious pot head eyes.  And yet, I’ve decided I’m ok with this.  Growing up my mom would get teary when she was proud of me, when I really did something great for her, or when I was in tears.  Crying like that is a gift, and I’m excited to be able to give my sappy mommy heart, tears and all, to our little baby.

Symptoms I did not experience in my 4 – 12 weeks of pregnancy.

  1. Nausea

    Ok, I was not entirely spared.  Occasionally I experienced a queasy sensation rumbling in my belly.  But, based on the horror stories I’ve heard of other women’s pregnancy woes, I have nothing to complain about.  I have not vomited and I figure that would have occurred by now if it was going to happen.

All of this being said.  I am far from miserable.  All of my symptoms pop up every now and then and I consider them a blessing because it is a reminder that I am carrying a precious one around in my belly.  Without symptoms I might actually be concerned the baby was having trouble.  So thank God for pregnancy woes! 😉

Dolphins Spotting with Baby

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Bemusings of a Baby Life

Adventures with Baby

– Story takes place December 29, 2013 at 16 weeks pregnant.

Dolphins have been my favorite animal since first grade.

The morning we were scheduled leave Fort Meyers Beach was a dreary one.  I hoped to go for a run on the beach, particularly to try and spot one of the dolphins my brother raved about, but with the rain I decided on going to the work out room.  After my work out I contemplated going on a walk to try and see some dolphins, but it was still raining so that didn’t sound like fun and I thought my dad might be up and ready to go to breakfast with me.  After breakfast with Dad I contemplated going straight out to the beach to look for dolphins but he needed to stop back at the room.  While still in the room my soaked mom and brother appeared after an apparently exciting experience with some dolphins.  I was upset.  All week I visited and revisited the beach in hopes of spotting a dolphin.  Instead, either just before or after I went out I would hear yet another exciting dolphin experience from my brother.  So, on the brink of our departure and having missed another dolphin spotting opportunity, I reverted back to childhood for a moment and exclaimed, “How come I always miss the dolphins!”  My ever encouraging Mom said I should go out and check anyway.  So my dad and I did, we booked it out there hoping we didn’t miss all the action.

After scouring the waters for any sign of a fin I started having a heated, pleading discussion with God.  My dad interrupted my rant every now and then with a proclamation and point in the direction of a fin.  I missed every one.  I started getting demanding towards God.  And finally, in the middle of trying to guilt-trip God into showing me dolphins, I saw my first fin.  I admit all of this heavily.  Demanding that God show me dolphins wasn’t exactly a proud moment.  But when I did see those dolphins my heart was so overjoyed and filled with love that tears filled my eyes.  I remember thinking what a loving parent I had: that the Father of the universe cared to take the time to let emotional, pregnant me see a dolphin that day.  In that moment, I felt the warmth and love that only His hugs can give.

My dad and I found a pair of dolphins close to the shore and waded waist-deep into the chilly water in hopes they might come over and say hi.  I went in just deep enough to give the baby a swim in the salty water because I wanted to share my big and adventurous moment with Peanut.

How about you?  Is there a moment in your life when God very specifically loved on you, however juvenile or silly?

Parasailing with Baby

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Bemusings of a Baby Life

Adventures with Baby

Joshua and I went on Christmas vacation with my family this year.  Our destination:  Fort Meyers Beach, FL.  The trip was a delightful escape from bitter cold winter weather.  I got to enjoy Belgium waffles with syrup and whipped cream, eggs, and pineapple every morning.  Ready-made breakfast for a pregnant lady is bliss!  Then, after overeating at breakfast, Joshua and I would walk it off on the beach – going up and down the shore finding treasures along the way.  The rest of our days were filled with either soaking up the sun or going on adventures… like parasailing.

Parasailing made my favorites list from this trip.  The day after Josh traveled home for a gig we all ventured out into the gulf to do some parasailing.  I was a little creeped out when I had to sign a waiver stating I wouldn’t sue if my toe was bitten off by a shark.  We took a smallish, boat-like shuttle out to the parasailing boat and all the way out there my brother asked question after question about sharks.  So are there sharks in this water?  What kinds of sharks are there?  Are any of them a threat?  The answers were yes, a good handful of breeds I can’t remember the names of, and all but the hammerheads were a potential danger.

I went up with my mom after my dad and brother had their turn.  No fear.  This taught me a little something about myself and I have decided there are two kinds of people. Ok, maybe three.

  1. The type that don’t like falling from the sky.
  2. The type that don’t like ascending into the sky.
  3. The type that don’t like anything to do with being in the sky.

On parasailing day I learned I am Type 1.

I studied abroad in Africa for five months.  On my trip I bungee jumped over the Nile.  I hadn’t planned on it but when we arrived at the bungee jump location it occurred to me that if I was ever going to bungee jump this would be the place: one, I was there; two, it doesn’t get much cooler than bungee jumping over the Nile River.  Truth be told, I was scared to death!  I mean, really, I just chose to bungee jump over the Nile River in Africa.  Who knows what sort of safety regulations they adhere to?

Time raced by and suddenly it was my turn to take the leap.  Some guy strapped me in and told me one guideline that mostly sounded like it came to my ears through a long distance tunnel:  jump out but not like you’re diving unless you want to dunk.  Then he counted to three.  I remained firmly planted on the platform.  He tried again.  At “three” I still didn’t budge.  I think he kept trying the countdown but I tuned him out in an effort to calm myself or talk myself into getting into the air.  Finally, I simply told myself, “you’re here, all strapped in… you have to jump… you’ll probably be fine.”  Somehow my semi convinced brain forced my legs to propel me off the platform and into the abyss.  I did my best jump-out-but-not-dive I could and prayed for the best.

The moment my feet left the platform I entered a surreal world of total peace.  I was flying through the air.  Suddenly I became aware of voices hooping and calling my name. I looked all around but it took me a while to realize I had to look past my feet to find “up” and the voices cheering me on.  I loved the bungee ride after my initial leap of terror but, truthfully, that was the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

My parasailing ride was a breeze.  To think about it realistically I went 440 feet into the air with nothing but fabric keeping me afloat.  I can’t remember how high my bungee jump trip was, but I don’t think it was 440 feet high.  However, I remained in a complete state of bliss before, during, and after my parasailing trip.  Why?  Because I am the type that doesn’t like falling from the sky not the type that doesn’t like ascending into the sky.

It is when we came down that I realized these “types.”  The four of us excitedly jabbered about our experiences together and I learned all too quickly that my brother (a well versed sky diver) and my dad (a hearty adventure-seeker) were terrified in the air.  Apparently they do much better with falling from the sky rather than floating around high up in the sky for a while.  My mom (your average “I want to keep two feet planted on the ground at all times” type) only complained about the uncomfortable nature of the harness straps.  We were the champs in this scenario and we were beyond surprised.  However, my mom was a riot as we ascended into the air, her two yelps of fear were laced with surprised terror.

What I loved so much about our parasailing trip was sharing such a peaceful and beautiful moment with my unborn baby.  With the air gently blowing over my body and the quiet of being far enough up to lose all sound waves was pure joy to my soul.  Add that bliss to looking around at the expanse of ocean water and beach city all around us and I was in my own earthly heaven.  I love that, while I’m pregnant, I can take my baby on cool adventures like this.  It’s not like you can casually take an infant up parasailing after all.  Hopefully, I’ll have a few more adventures with this little peanut before birthing day comes!