Thank You Baby-Led Weaning

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-written November 16, 2016

Tonight I sat across from my toddler with sticky rice, a peanut dipping sauce, and steamed green beans on our plates.  As I watched her down everything I put in front of her with delight I silently thanked baby-led weaning (BLW).  God is so good, he answered my fervent prayers during pregnancy leading me to the doctor that not only did and does take such good care of our health but she has led me to so many amazing natural paths to succeed in life and childrearing.  BLW was and is one such adventure.

What is baby-led weaning?  You ask.

Here’s the skinny.  It comes in two parts:  part one, when your baby comes of 6 months of age you start placing portions of what you are serving for dinner in front of them (no food before, only breastmilk); part two, you let the baby grow into learning to eat these foods at their own pace as you continue to nurse them on demand until they tell you they are done nursing.

How to tackle baby-led weaning part one.

I recommend you pick up your own copy of Baby-Led Weaning to help you with what to expect and how to get started.  After you’ve picked up your book and done your reading you’ll know four main things.

One, serve your child age appropriate food.  Ultimately you will be the best gauge for your baby in discerning what kinds shapes and sizes of foods they handle well.  The book Baby-Led Weaning will give you good starting point food ideas for each age.  For example, good first foods are stick shaped foods like cooked carrots, cooked broccoli, cucumber, toast sticks, etc.  However, with my daughter I started her on all the winter soups and stews I was making to warm up our cold December bones and she loved munching on the chunks of sweet potatoes, beans, and other bits she could grab with her little, not-yet-so-nimble fingers.

Two, don’t be afraid if they gag and cough.  Babies at that age have their gag reflex so far forward it’s nuts.  Because of this it is actually very difficult for a BLW baby to choke because they learn their food boundaries at a time when their gag reflex is like a bodyguard on crack.  If they seem to be having trouble getting the food back into the non gag zone though simply lean them forward and tap lightly on their back.  Vwala, back to normal and your baby will likely not even be remotely upset by the minor scuffle.

Three, be aware of allergies.  Each new food you introduce to your baby is best to be done separately and in a small dose to then be monitored afterwards.  That way you know which food it is that upset them.  Pay particular attention to any foods that are on your list of family allergies.  The BLW approach actually helps to fight allergies too as you’re nursing longer – best immunity booster there is.

Four, don’t be concerned with how much they eat.  AKA, don’t attempt to force feed your baby or serve them something else.  This is why part two, continuing to nurse on demand, is so amazing.  Sometimes your baby might not be into their first taste of broccoli or sometimes they don’t have much of an appetite for table food that day.  Guess what?  They are still getting all they need right from your breastmilk!  What they don’t eat in table food they will make up for in breastmilk.  Man, I would have and probably would still be a stress pot about Maisy getting enough to eat if I wasn’t still nursing her.  Nursing like this is also very important for your perseverance in sticking to your guns about not starting in on feeding your baby something different for dinner.  This is exactly how picky eating sneaks into your baby’s palate and how it becomes a habit in your meal prep.  Before you know it, you’re making two separate meals at every meal.

How to tackle baby-led weaning part two.

Nursing until your baby says there done?  Did I read that correctly?  Yes.  Most moms now-a-days don’t nurse past 1 year.  The minimum my doctor recommends is 2 years.  Why?  Breastmilk is baby miracle grow!  And it’s also a mommy happy pill.  So many good things happen in your baby’s body and your body when breastfeeding is involved.  If you let your baby nurse good and long you’re giving them the best support for immunity, brain development, preventing allergies and so much more!

I nurse Maisy anywhere between 4 – 8 times a day.  My favorite nursing memories with her have actually been in the last 4-5 months.  I can’t imagine not having that intimate alone time with my daughter when we often laugh so hard together, snuggle so sweetly, and just stare into each others eyes.  I still nurse Maisy to sleep most of the time too and I love how comforted she drifts off into sleep that way.  I love that when my daughter is hurt physically or emotionally, is cold, or is sick that she comes to me asking for “moh moke.”  I also love that, since I still have a breastmilk supply, I can use my milk to treat owies, even ear infections.

Isn’t it so time consuming to still breastfeed?  From what I understand most kids Maisy’s age eat around 5 times a day.  Since she enjoys breastmilk throughout the day we get to do the adult norm of 3 meals a day.  No snacks needed for the most part.  This saves me so much time!  Breastmilk is easy to serve – it’s ready-made!  Besides, if she’s not sick she usually just nurses before and after sleep times and I would be helping her go to sleep at that time anyways; since I love to multitask I love that I’m feeding my daughter, helping her fall asleep, comforting her, and getting some quiet time all at once.

How do you know when your baby is done?  I’m sorry my answer will be far from concrete, but it’s just simply that you’ll know.  I can’t tell you that your baby will be done when they have all their teeth, or when they turn 2.5, or when they’ve been potty trained.  It’s just not the same for every kid.  And you don’t have to be afraid of what other people think of you on this matter!  I’ve never been uncomfortable with women nursing toddlers but I know many people are.  So, if you are nervous about those that do get uncomfortable, what you can do is be respectful of others and teach your toddler to do the same.  Providing for my girl’s needs is my top priority but my second priority is to be respectful of others.  I choose not to nurse Maisy in public at her age unless I’m at another mom’s house, at the doctor’s office, or if I forgot her sippy cup of water and she’s clearly so thirsty.  If I encounter the last scenario I’m teaching my daughter to ask for milk respectfully and to accept the answer “wait” until we can get to a secluded location like a dressing room or the car.  I am not embarrassed, I simply want to respect others.

Why should I do this baby-led weaning thing?

Oh man there are a lot of great reasons, but here are my favorites:  babies are less likely to be picky eaters, babies develop stronger immune systems than their counterparts, babies don’t require separate “kid friendly” meals, it’s actually easier and less messy, and I got to skip buying and/or making baby puree!

Again, I don’t know it all, but I do know that Maisy eats, and loves eating, just about everything!  She eats everything from plain greek yogurt, to all her fruits and vegetables, any ethnic food, hummus, soup, chili, pizza with any toppings, any meal I spice up with a little extra health like my tomato and hummus grilled cheese sandwiches, and so much more.  Some of her favorite foods include oranges of any kind, edamame, frozen or steamed green peas, cheese of any kind (our most recent purchase was gouda), greek yogurt, grapes, and soups.  My kid is a testament to this BLW rocking at teaching your kid a diverse diet!

There’s Humor in this Ridiculous Day

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Sometimes life just downright gets you down!  Today was a rollercoaster of a day with some stinking low lows.  After relaying the facts of the evening to my beloved husband he says. “Wow – quite a day!  And honestly, it sounds like very humorous blog material.”  And I had only told him about the last few paragraphs!  But he’s right.  I used to think, “this would make a great blog story” all the time during life’s less than convenient moments.  When did I loose my sense of humor?  I suppose around Maisy’s 5 month mark when my kid proved to be an unending sleep battle and I proved unfit to function pleasantly with 6 something hours of sleep interrupted every 45 minutes for about a half an hour of wakefulness.  Ah well, now’s the time to steal my humor back – sleep or no sleep.

Let’s hope you can appreciate an honest mom and find the humor in this ridiculous day.

Today we woke at a lovely 7am hour.  I was happily nursing my toddler in bed until I realized I was bleeding through my pants.  Talk about a mood buster!  So I pull my nipple out of her mouth and book it down the stairs to the bathroom leaving her in a confused, but not unpleasant, stupor in the bedroom.  Strike one.

I throw all the kids in the car, my one plus two day care kids, and zoom over to a friends house for a “coffee and conversation” get together.  Lovely.  Got lots of snuggles from my three shy and cuddly kids.  Upon packing them up to leave though, mine decides to erupt because her nap time timer buzzed code red.  Strike two.

We zoom to pick up my fourth day care kid which was on the receiving end of some missed communication.  Her poor mom was left stranded without someone to get her girl so she could go to work because she couldn’t get a hold of her peeps, me included.  Shame on me.  Strike three.

How many strikes do you get again?

By the time I pull into my driveway two kids are passed out, one already passed out then awoke again, and the littlest one that we just picked up is growling about something.  Then onto the task of getting everyone successfully settled and happy.  Step one, don’t wake the Maisy!  Leave her in the car with the windows cracked to sleep or slam your fist into the nearest wall in regretful anger at yourself for attempting to move her at all.  Check.  Step two, bring the two sisters to their prospective beds for them to peaceably roll over and go back to sleep.  Check.  Step three get Emrie some milk and a diaper change.  Check.  Uncheck.  Maisy’s awake. I bring her up to her room hoping beyond a hope she’ll go back to sleep.  Instead I read on my watch a whopping 15 minutes of nap time for my stinker. And this power nap is supposed to last her all day?  Strike four.

Fast forward through an afternoon of regular activities like sending your poorly slept toddler out to play in the backyard so as to spare myself her constant stream of yelled demands.  If she can’t see me, she can’t yell at me. This is a heavenly idea until Maisy decides bird baths are for fun splash time.  Gross!  I strip her down and in the process jam her tooth into her lip thus awakening a sobbing, bleeding toddler.  Strike five.

I give her the rare bubble bath in favor of fun bubble time with Harper on the sidelines to massage those bubbles into Maisy’s bird poop hair.  We had a blast decorating Maisy’s face and hair with bubbles until one moment Maisy looks me square in the face, bubble beard and all, and says “I go poo.”  “Did you go pee pee in the tub?”  No answer.  “Do you need to go poo?”  “Yeah.”  “You want to go on the potty?”  “No.”  I take that as my cue anyways and pull her out of the tub.  I dry her off, set her down, sit her on the potty… nothing.  She stands up, takes one step forward, and pees.  Strike six.

I do love my daily walks and so do the kids.  This much anticipated walk in this wonderfully warm November day was a breath of fresh air. On top of getting a walk in for the dogs and getting fresh air into some little kid lungs I get cardio and weight training in one blow.  Cardio and weight training at the same time? You ask.  Well, I strap one kid on my front, one on my back, push a stubborn double stroller with two well fed toddlers, and tote my two determined dogs alongside.  Vwala, cardio and weight training.  I do love to multitask.

At the walk’s end I get everyone unhooked, get the undies girl to the potty, and get my diapered girl on the potty per her special request.  She sits on the potty for a half a second, walks away to the play room, sits on the kiddie chair and pees two hours worth of pee into a giant puddle dripping from her pants onto the chair onto the floor.  I strip her down and splash her off in the tub and send her on her naked merry way so I can tidy up the puddle.  She promptly bolts to the time out corner and poops right on the time out mat.  Strike seven and eight.

I sit down to get some milk in Emrie’s belly when Maisy spits out pieces of a handmade ornament (yes, I have my Christmas tree up).  Strike nine.

Today it took nine strikes to turn my otherwise outwardly peaceful demeanor into war zone mom.

I pluck my half naked toddler off the ground and stomp her as far away from myself as I can in hopes of minimally hearing her screaming and saving myself from bellowing my war cry at her as I finish filling Emrie’s belly.  Strike ten.

Truth is, motherhood is the best and coolest job I will ever have.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  But man has my girl chosen to mature quickly and cash in her terrible two’s chips at 16 months.  I mean it can’t get worse right?  (Insert wink face here.)

A Working Mom’s Breastfeeding Incident

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Have you ever been stranded on an island with water creeping in at you from all sides?  Well I have!

Just over a year ago I found myself smack dab in the middle of the coolest shoot of my life without some key parts to my breast pump and no spare nursing pads.  A couple hours into the full day shoot and I received my first let down, both emotionally and physically.  The milk gushed out of my over enthusiastic breasts, promptly filled my nursing pads, and immediately moved onto invading my shirt.  I bolted to the bathroom, whipped out my cloth breast pads, and squeezed them out in the sink.  I shoved them back in, nodded to myself in the mirror, and turned to exit.  Just as my hand touched the door I thought better of myself as the cold, dampness of the nursing pads reminded me how feebly they would defend the dryness of my shirt upon another breastmilk siege as they pressed into my rock hard, engorged breasts.  I whipped the pads back out, tried wringing them out some more, then stuck them under the hand dryer.  That did exactly nothing.  I left the breast pads out in favor of stuffing my bra with toilet paper.  I calculated myself in the mirror, gave myself a satisfied nod, and left the bathroom.

When I rounded the corner to the main room again I noticed a minuscule sign labeled “Walgreens” through the wall of windows.  I informed my boss of my errand need and sped the few blocks over to the Walgreens.  I scoured the aisles in a hopeful stupor.  I say stupor because I had mommy brain fog bad folks.  After my feeble attempt at locating the item in need I spotted an employee and abandoned my efforts in favor of using an expert.  They directed me to the right aisle and scanned the shelves.  My eyes were bright, shining bulges of anticipation until he turned his regretful expression my way.  Walgreens could not save me today.  I sprinted back to the photo shoot venue, visibly shrugged off my problem and hoped for the best.

In all truth, I only had to endure a couple let downs that day which is a miracle when you’re a new mom with abnormally oversupplying breasts.  I managed to get through the day with no one but my boss knowing I had breastmilk on my dark patterned shirt.

Also, I love breastfeeding.  Coolest thing ever.

Oh, and for your viewing pleasure, the spreads from the published magazine article.  The shoot was featured on the cover and then on several pages within.

September 2014_pg01 September 2014_pg43 September 2014_pg45 September 2014_pg46 September 2014_pg48 September 2014_pg49

No-Cry Infant Sleep

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Here’s the post I kept meaning and wanting to write when I had the answers.  Well instead this is the post fessing up to the fact that I’m never going to know the answers in hopes that perhaps it might give a fellow mom a comrade in arms.  So here we go, my testimony about dealing with Maisy and sleep, the hardest section of motherhood for me by far.

Here’s the thing.  There are some things in life that you know, some you don’t know… and some you think you know.  In regards to Maisy’s sleep the former is what I long for wholeheartedly, the latter I get a feel for on any given day when a sleep time actually goes smoothly, but, truthfully, with the exception of those occasionally peaceful sleep time routines, I’m utterly clueless.  And it is utterly debilitating and ego crushing to not be able to get your baby to go to sleep nicely no matter how many ways you try it and try it hard.

Perhaps even harder is the reality that a very select few moms have experienced as challenging a sleeper as Maisy.  These moms mean well but I see “clearly you’re not doing it right, my kids sleep great” scrolling across their eye balls.  So I feel awful for not knowing. I feel awful for feeling awful. And I feel awful for feeling judged.  And then I get a gift, the very rare woman that does, in fact, have an equally challenged sleeper.

The most important lesson I have learned…

Every woman I’ve shared my testimony of my battle with Maisy’s sleep (except my fellow sleep struggling moms) asks, “have you tried the cry-it-out method?”  Based on all the research I’ve read on infant sleep the truth is that allowing your child to “cry-it-out” is simply teaching them that you’re not coming back.  The whole time your baby cries their body is secreting the same hormone that causes the fight and flight response in adults.  The whole time your baby cries they are in a state of fight or flight.  At a young age their basic need is to be aided into a state of sleep.  If they’re tired and their needs are taken care of, they will go to sleep.  I’m not saying it’s easy.  I’m just saying it’s what the research and my heart says is right.  And I will say it is hard!  On the hardest days I try to put myself in her shoes to summon the gumption to stick to my guns.  In a society that expects independence it is hard to dive into a no-cry sleep regimen with your baby.  It is time consuming and frustrating, though not for all.  I take care of 3 other children here and everyone else goes to sleep easily and largely by themselves.  That is all the proof I need that it is not my fault that Maisy is a difficult sleeper, it’s just in her nature. I suppose I got the sleepless child because I had the gaul to say, “I lived on an average of 2 hours of sleep all through my freshman year of college, infant sleep can’t get harder than that!”

I’ve tried everything on Maisy.  I even tried the “cry-it-out” method as a last ditch effort.  What I’m doing now is the best thing that works and it’s ever changing as my daughter is ever changing.  It is simple, I’ve set a soothing routine, with dim lighting, white noise, and some snuggles.

If you are a mom with a baby or an expectant mom, I strongly encourage you to consider a no-cry sleep solution for you baby.  You may be thinking, well Kaia, you’re not exactly an expert in this matter, wouldn’t an expert have a kid that sleeps?  Perhaps.  All I can do and feel compelled to do, is share my heart on the matter and hope that maybe it will lead some moms to their gentle sleep solution. I encourage you read “The No-Cry Sleep Solution” and try the ideas for your family.  I will not judge you if you do, or have done, the “cry-it-out” method.  Moms need to stick together and encourage each other only!  It’s a hard enough job as it is without feeling judging eyes on you.

I have a far from perfect daughter and I am a far cry from a good mom, but she’s a really sweet and good kid and I’m working hard. With all the warmth a mom can feel at 6:30am when she’s been up since 2:00am, I bid you a joyous journey on the path to infant sleep with as few tears as possible.

So you’re watching kids now? And doing your photography? And your husband is gone often?

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So the story goes…

One day in the middle of this summer I see a question posted on Natural Mamas-Rock County Facebook group.

“HELP! I need a sitter for my new born. Recommendations? Please and thank you. I prefer a stay at home mama willing to cloth diaper and keep a schedule.”

I think to myself, “huh, I might be able to help out. And it might be super fun!”

I reply, “Did you find someone? Sending you a PM :)”

In the mean time another mom, Meredith, sees my ambiguous note alluding to potential willingness to watch some children and sends me a private message inquiring for her own two little girls, Harper (2.5) and Willow (10 months).  Within days I’m meeting with this mom and officially become their care giver Monday through Friday 8:00am to 5:30pm.

A few days later I meet with the other mom, the “original mom” so-to-speak, Katie, and am selected to be an irregular, as needed drop off for her daughter Emrie (3 months old).

What I did know going into this is that watching 4 total children under 2.5 years old while still running a photography business full time with a husband on the road about half the time sounded crazy.  But what I also knew was that I felt God nudging me to do it.  In my mind I could not work out how I was going to tackle nap time with 3 unknowns and my own known difficult sleeper, but what I knew about myself and about God was that we would figure it out and that it would be amazing.  In my mind I could not figure out when I was going to find time to manage my photography business and tackle shoots, but what I knew about myself and about God was that we would figure it out.  All I knew was that I felt the peace that passes all understanding wash over me as I accepted these children into my family, the peace that I only feel when I’ve chosen God’s way.

What I didn’t know was that Meredith felt God nudging her to randomly approach me about watching her girls.  We had previously met once in passing at church.  Her caregiver of two years had to move and she was devastated.  Meredith loves her caregivers like family and her caregivers love her babies like family.  That’s hard to find and she knew it!  But it wasn’t until my message popped up onto the FB page feed, that she’d only just joined, that she took the leap and ventured to ask me.

How cool is God?

Now I’ve been in this mommy day care thing for a couple of months and I love it!  I cannot imagine a better fit for my personality, my work life, my family, all these girls, my dogs (Harper loves on them all day), and Maisy.  This life keeps me busy.  I watch 3-4 children under 2 years old for the work week, I take care of grandma on the weekends (which involves sleeping over at her house), all the while maintaining a photography business (this is way more than just taking photos folks), keeping a house with all the cleaning and laundry, and doing all this with a husband who is on the road half the time.  And yet, it’s a perfect fit for me, more perfect than I ever could have imagined because I didn’t just gain some additional income but I gained the perfect play mates for Maisy, some great friends in Meredith and Katie, the busyness that distracts me from focusing on all the little insignificant woes Maisy can bring my way and the heartache that comes with an absent husband, and I get to fully use all the rooms in my house!

I love it when people ask “so you’re watching kids now?”  I love it because I love the story about how it came about and I love to laugh. The story makes me laugh.