In a land where things are broken I cannot help but want a future where things are not. The pull switch for the pantry gets jammed just about every time I try to use it now. So I stand there pulling until it gives or just walk away hoping it will solve itself. The refrigerator makes an epic grinding sound every time it’s relaunching the process of refrigeration and bow out with an almost musical succession of clanks and thunks. The internet, although actually new, phases in and out consciousness as though its trying to keep up with the general mode of dysfunction in this home. There is no airconditioning and only three of our seventeen windows open.
I just finished taking the dogs for a walk. They managed to poop three times each, that is a lot of doggie bags. I like to walk in the mornings between 7 and 10 because I only see a couple people. If I go in the afternoon or evening there are a whole slew of eyes saying lustful things about me. I do not even go at night for fear I will not come home the same, or at all.
Despite this though, I do admire the charming older houses I pass. My favorites are a quaint, yellow box one and a brick cottage on the corner.
This brings me back to wanting unbroken things. I dream of a house of my own where if things are broken I can fix them and reap the benefits of that. I dream of a house where I can have a vegetable garden in the summer and a greenhouse and chickens and fruit trees. I want to live sustainably. I dream of a house that I can have my design on every inch. And I dream of a house with an acre sized plot that is fenced or in a quiet enough place for the dogs to run free without my envisioning them being plastered to the pavement out the front window.
But I have to wonder, are such dream only worldly desires? Are they desires of my heart that are worthy of being granted or am I being selfish. After all, I am a musician’s wife and a photographer. Perhaps our finances will never spell out “house.” But after getting all of this our into the cool, fresh air after the rain I feel I am most thankful that my life has managed to spell out “dogs” and “husband” and “employment.”
Musings of a Musician's Wife 
Those are some great dreams to dream, and i hope that in time you get many of the things that your heart desires.
And don’t stop with what you already dream. Dream bigger.
And of course, work towards it 🙂
Nothing is more valuable than a man who loves you; that is worth all the money and success in the world…but that refrigerator would make me crazy!
Ha ha! It is pretty hysterical! Mind of its own 😉
There is some kind of law of the universe that when your husband is out of town everything fall apart. One year when Daddy was in the BWCA out basement got flooded. One year, we had fire. One year, Kamir got hit by a car. I have every confidence that the two of you will be wildly successful and that you and Connor will have to fight over who gets to change my diapers when I am old and feeble. Keep up the hard work… so proud of you!
You’re the best mom 🙂
Remind me to tell you (again!) about our second ‘home’ in Alfred, NY -circa 1980!! Dad was so excited for us to have a house of our own in the ‘country’- instead of the apt we had been renting on the second floor of a professors home in town. We made this move specifically to get our first Biscuits. Many adventures later, we moved to New Jersey, CA, MN, MI, and now WI. I’ll close by saying we still have a Biscuits!!!!!!!
Ha ha! You brought a big smile to my face this morning! 🙂
Kaia, I noticed your blog on my facebook feed this morning, and wanted to see what you said about being a musician’s wife, being one myself. My husband and I live about 40 minutes outside of Pittsburgh in a little house out in the woods. We built our first vegetable garden this spring with raised beds. We are planning on building a chicken coop/pig pen over the summer. If and when we have the money we are hoping to add on to our house to accomodate a greenhouse and solor power and lighting. I am blessed to be where I am, and thriving on taking care of my family, garden and decorating my little house. I just wanted to tell you that these little dreams you have aren’t worldly desires, they are the things that feed your soul, mine at least. And they are so attainable, I’m sure you’ll have them sooner than you know. I know I didn’t know you very well when we were at Judson, but you were an inspiration to me, in a small way. Who you are just sortof radiates out of you and shines on the people around you. One of my favorite quotes is by Barbara Kingsolver, from her book animal dreams,
“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof. What I want is so simple I almost can’t say it: elementary kindness. Enough to eat, enough to go around. The possibility that kids might one day grow up to be neither the destroyers nor the destroyed. That’s about it. Right now I’m living in that hope, running down its hallway and touching the walls on both sides.”
I hope you get to see all of your dreams come true. Thank you for being an inspiration.
I want to come to your place with my husband and fix the light in the pantry, pull our the frig to see if I could fix the noise, and figure out a way to open more windows…..
After trying to sleep two nights without air conditioning my heart feels for you! Do you have access to a window unit? I loaned mine to camp…..
Hugs!!
Ha! You’re so sweet :). Fortunately its not like we have to stay there forever!
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