The Hungry Hungry Pregnant Lady

Bemusings of a Baby Life

9 weeks pregnant

I’m pregnant. I don’t get sick.  I don’t get unreasonably tired unless it’s past 9pm.  No, but the minute I get hungry and food is not around look out!

I have never felt so desperate to get food in my entire life as I did the night of Turkey Supper at The Connecting Church.

Please note, I started this evening hungry even before I left work at 4:00pm.

First we had a meeting to talk about putting an offer on a house.  We couldn’t find the realtor when we got there so we left and went to the church.  I was stoked thinking I would soon be fed.  A couple of minutes later I heard back from the realtor with an updated location.  We left the church for our new destination.  Our meeting there lasted about 45 minutes.  We walked back over to the church.  We waited for a freight train to let us pass.  We finally arrived at the church.  We talked to some church friends for a long time.  I started dropping hints that I was starving.  Then I started trying to pull Josh away.  Finally I succeeded.  Then we got stopped again for more conversation.  I eventually managed to pull Josh away.  Finally we were in the dining hall and seated.  But there was no food.  I leaned over and asked Josh, “how do I get food?” He angry whispered in my ear, “they bring it around.” Apparently, I was supposed to know that.  Finally the food came. By then it was 6:30pm.  I shoveled turkey into my mouth like I was never going to see food again.  I am a vegetarian.  It tasted incredible.

That night I learned something about my pregnant self, the longer I withhold food, the more I progress through a series of events: my stomach growls incessantly, I become lightheaded and dizzy, I start seeing stars, and then I get desperate.  For any of you that get cranky when your hungry, multiply that by 10 and you have what I feel at that point in my hunger process.

Now, to give Josh some credit, I had only told him about my hunger issues over the phone so far.  Yes, he had been gone for most of my pregnancy up to that point.  So, on this night of severe hunger he wasn’t quite getting it.  Yes, I was growing visibly and verbally impatient.  He wasn’t liking my behavior.  However, he certainly wasn’t getting that I was using every ounce of self restraint not to simply disregard all formalities and hunt the food down for myself.  The next day, after a long discussion,  he got it and we haven’t had another debacle since.  Getting food to pregnant Kaia is priority one in the Calhoun household.

– Written November 19

Beginnings

– Written October 9, 2013 (5 weeks)

Beginnings foster surreal excitement.  They are moments when the whole world feels like it is within your grasp.

The moment Josh and I decided to “pull the goalie” I was flush with the kind of excitement that is rarely experienced.  It’s the kind of excitement that you don’t realize you are experiencing until your mom catches you blushing and grinning at a text message from your boyfriend or girlfriend. It also feels like Christmas morning when you anticipate opening the gifts under the tree.  Anyway, my cheeks constantly held a lively shade of scarlet and I couldn’t keep a grin off my face.

I started looking up my symptoms. Every new bodily experience of mine brought up pregnancy links first.  In these links “I knew” became a broken record – women just seemed to sense when they were pregnant even before missing their period or taking a test.  I grew more fearful that I wouldn’t “know” like these women did.  I wanted to have this seemingly divine experience with my baby and know it was there before a test told me so.  Almost right away I had inklings of knowing but I told myself it was probably unlikely just so I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

Then there was simply no denying it.  I remember telling Josh I would be  concerned about my aching breasts and surprised if I wasn’t pregnant.  Finally, I was so confident I even started praying for our little baby before I even took the test.

Josh and I decided we wanted to find out together rather than have me surprise him with the news.  I was 5 days late for my period when he got home from tour so almost right after I got home from work we both went into the bathroom to take the test.  Ordinarily I am a pee-in-a-cup pro, but this time I totally botched it up.  To my relief, Josh appeared engrossed in other things and missed my moment of shame.  I didn’t want to sneak glances at the little dipstick because I really wanted Josh to discover the answer first.  So I left the bathroom but when I came back to grab something I could see “pregnant” in my periphery.  I gasped, picked it up for closer examination, then turned it to Josh.  We stared, wide-eyed at each other for a fraction of a second then I fell into his arms with tears in my eyes.  For good measure, we left the test out on the counter until the battery died – I couldn’t help but think the test just might change its mind.

I already love where this new journey is taking me and Josh.  He’s already so sweet, offering to cook me food, packing my lunch, and seeking to meet my every whim.  I will not be demanding.  In fact, so far I beat him to the punch on these things and often reply, “oh, I already packed my lunch” or “oh, I already did that.”  But it is awesome knowing he wants to be so present and helpful.  I know he’s anxiously awaiting the advent of my cravings.  I just hope he’s not too disappointed if what I want is something like broccoli instead of pizza or Oreos.

And now, as I write this, I am keeping the biggest secret of my life when all I want to do is tell the whole world!  Today I was asked by one of my new co-workers if Josh and I had children.  I wanted to say yes, but paused for a fraction of a second before I answered with, “no, but we have two dogs.”  I feel like I’m lying.  But, I suppose, to a lot of people, the eye-of-a-needle sized person I’m carrying with me is not a life yet.  But to me, this is my child and I am already fiercely protective.  I can only pray and hope that my body is so kind and nurturing to this little cutie and anticipate the day when I can protect them with my own arms.

The best part of all of this though, is the love I feel from my Father.  I didn’t expect to get pregnant right away.  I set these expectations because I am aware it is often times takes several months for even the healthiest of couples to conceive.  When I saw our positive pregnancy test I was overtaken by a feeling or warmth and love – like God was giving me a long congratulatory hug and whispering “I love you” the whole time.  I feel so blessed to have conceived right away.

For more baby making storytelling CLICK HERE.

Curse Words

There once was a girl whose speech was pure.  And then one day she met a handsome prince.  They enjoyed a fairy tale romance until the muck within them poured out.  Each of them carried different sets of dirt and with their dirt combined a slew of swear words broke free.  For a long time they lived like this, dishing out choice words when arguments reached a boiling point.  These words were specifically chosen to stun or wound the other.  And as time went on the words became easy to utter – a dangerous common place.

If you haven’t guessed, this tale is about me and, vicariously, Joshua. I reached my breaking point as I realized my curse words became easy for me to say – I no longer flinched each time I said one.  Truth is, from the very beginning I felt convicted each time I uttered a curse word.  But I’m sure you too can admit there are plenty of times when the stubbornness of human nature trumps the goodness of the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  None-the-less, I finally started saying some half-hearted prayers about my bad habit.  And God is so good that he started slowly preparing my heart to ditch the dirty words – I felt myself getting closer to the day when I knew I would cut them out and never go back.

That day came a few weeks ago.

When I told Joshua about my commitment to ditch curse words for good he decided to come alongside me and ditch the angry words as a family.  I didn’t expect Josh to join me so wholeheartedly from the beginning, but I did know that by telling him of my conviction I was using the power of confession and accountability to drive me towards my goal.  Now my words are purer, yes, but my thoughts are too.

And now I’m curious.  What is your take on swearing?  Is it wrong or permissible and why?

The Gift of Silence

Yesterday I completely lost my voice.  I can communicate by whisper only.  I don’t mind.  However, this realization didn’t stop me from trying to sing along to Christmas songs on my 6 hour drive home from Minnesota yesterday.  I would whisper-sing, my voice would occasionally squeak from the effort, and then whisper-laugh at myself.

Actually, I’ve been finding people are better listeners and make better eye contact with me because they have to concentrate on what I’m saying.

I also find it ironic that the day my Haley doesn’t whine during the duration of a car ride is the day I can’t raise my voice at her.  It got me wondering that maybe her crying is partially due to the fact that I am not paying attention to her.  Yesterday, instead of talking to her every time she car surfed on center console (it’s what I call it when either of my dogs balance themselves on the front seat elbow rest and the back seat so they can see out the windshield), I would simply rub and snuggle her.  She didn’t make a peep.  Then this got me thinking that it is all too often we jump to using words when really an action, or simple silence would be best.

I am on day two of my forced silence and am still oddly thankful for the experience.

Marriage Tips

I wrote The Makings of a Musical Marriage almost a year ago.  It is my top ten list of marital tips.

These tips here are more like little tid bits I’ve picked up here and there throughout this past year.

  1. Public encouragement.There is nothing like hearing your spouse talk highly of you to other people or getting that very public shout out on Facebook.  I know a lot of single folks actually loathe “sappy” statuses, but I’m hoping that if you think about it this way those statuses might become more endearing to you.  I would also ask why you loathe such statuses?
  2. Holding hands.Joshua gets all the credit for this one.  I admit, when we were first married, actually for the first couple of years, I was irritated by him holding my hand everywhere we went.  Funny thing is, I desperately wanted to want to hold his hand because I loved seeing other couples, young and old, holding hands.  It’s sort of like a proclamation of warmth between the couple.

    Then Joshua went on tour.  All I wanted after that was to grab hold of him whenever I could!  Thank you Jesus for fixing my heart.

  3. Join them in the Little Things.

    There are some things that your spouse wants to do that you think are silly and/or a waste of money.  But, the thing is, these things bring your spouse great joy and what does it cost you really?  For me that was going to coffee.  Josh gets giddy about going to get coffee together.  But I stood my ground more often than not because it was money we could be saving.  Then I went to church one Sunday.  The message wasn’t specifically about anything close to loving on your spouse by giving them the little things but there was a moment that Bill Hybels said something that convicted me of withholding simple joys from my husband.  See, Josh and I rarely push $5 at Starbucks on our coffee dates.  From there on out I relinquished my grip on money and asked my husband on a coffee date.  We’ve been going on them ever since and they are one of the best things we do for our marriage!

Anyone else have some helpful marriage tid bits?