Once again, I am found slacking… when I made my commitment to posting every day of the Lenten season I had not anticipated a big life change. A few days ago my grandma passed away and I’m stubbornly getting back on track today.
Day 5 | The Temptation to Doubt
A few weeks ago I had a terrible, but normal, moment where I could classify my feelings towards God as doubtful. I had just crunched a bunch of numbers and realized our available finances could not fill our budget. With much deliberating I was able to gather enough money to pay the bills but everything else fell by the wayside (even groceries and gas).
To clarify, this was a first. God has so faithfully blessed Josh and I for following his calling for both of us to be daring and enter into the world of art rather than the land of a regular job with a regular pay check. Normally, I bring in the monetary bulk from May – December with wedding season and fall family photos and Josh pulls the financial weight from January – April by playing for a whole bunch of church youth retreats. In this season, however, we find ourselves scraping by because the Citizen Way is on an unpaid tour instead of in the middle of well paid retreats.
One of my top three spiritual gifts is faith so to shake me in that area is pretty significant. When I found I didn’t have enough money to put gas in the car I spent a good amount of time mad at and stubbornly removed from God.
In Luke 4:3 Satan is attempting to tempt Jesus to doubt Christ’s true identity: “The devil said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.'” This being said in the middle of a 40 day fast walking through a dessert would surely be hard to resist but Jesus counters with the truth in the Word of God: “Jesus answered, ‘It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone.”” Of course Jesus is wise enough to know that Satan is tempting him to do more than just take a suggestion of his but by allowing himself to listen to Satan at all he is giving him a foothold.
Times of questioning our faith are good. It is important to be honest before our creator and always seeking for answers to hard questions. However, it is also important to not give in so far as to succumbing to temptation and sin. While questioning, keep your toes aligned with God’s path and your heart steeped in truth. As you seek for answers keep your mind daily in the Word.
In my case, it’s hard to admit I doubted God because I’m not certain it was doubt I was experiencing. I simply wasn’t sure if God wanted to provide for us. I’m too keenly aware that, despite God’s promises of provision for those who love Him, He sometimes leads us down an undesirable path for the greater good of His kingdom or to test us and strengthen us toward Him in the process. Ultimately I am willing to follow whatever road he sends me on and it’s important to remember that. Finances are only the troubles of now and God will find a way to feed us and cloth us if not more than that. Ultimately He is our Great Provider, our Savior, and our reason for living regardless of the circumstances!
Days 1 – 4 of 40 Days in the Desert posts…