Puppy Love

I don’t get out much.  I am a self-employed photographer in the middle of the slow season with a husband on the road.  This means I rarely leave the house.  In here, it’s just me and the dogs.

I adore my dogs.  They are everything this hermit girl needs:  they get me outside, they make me laugh, they snuggle me while I sleep (and simultaneously keep me warm), they love on me, and they give me someone to love on.

A lot of people say getting a dog is like practicing to have children.  I don’t know if it’s that adage or my desire to learn as much as I can out of everything but I’ve learned a lot from these two kiddos.

7Sunday-2

Nothing else on Earth loves as unconditionally as a dog.

My dogs’ life goal is to love me.  Oh, and to eat, sleep, and pee on the whole world.  But the loving part really is their primary goal when they aren’t hungry or crossing their legs.  I don’t know how else to explain it… I am their whole world.  As I work at my desk all day long, I get visits from each of them, just to say hi and snuggle for a minute. Every time I leave the house without them they act as if I’m never coming back.  Every time I come home it’s the best day of their life.  To be loved like this brings warmth and life to my bones.

Even if they SOOOOO deserve to be yelled at it doesn’t do either of us any good.

When we first got Haley, and for about a year after that, she developed a terrible habit of pooping in the same corner of our living room several times a week.  A couple of times I was beside myself with fury.  One time in particular I really boiled over.  She’d pooped in that corner one too many times and was busy looking pathetic about it when I got home.  I started shouting things like… “If you’re so ashamed maybe you shouldn’t do it!” “Do you even love me at all!” “Haley you’re so dumb!” Then I got an idea.  It was raining outside.  Haley hates the rain.  I put Haley on her leash.  I put my shoes on.  I dragged Haley through the rain.  I made it just past the end of the driveway when I paused and looked at her.  She wore the most pitiful expression I’ve ever seen on a dog and my heart warmed with compassion.  I brought her straight inside after that.  In fact, we ran in.  To repair her sadness, I shot loving words her way and soon she was joyfully skipping beside me.

I love that Haley is so sensitive.  Josh and I had far from mastered arguing well when we got her and she became the reason we learned sooner rather than later.  If he and I so much as raise our voices Haley runs out of the room and shivers in a corner until we stop the anger and snuggle her.  She has also taught me to be gentle and kind to her and others, no matter how wronged I feel.

Sam angers me like that rainy day with Haley on a weekly basis.  He’s a charming little bugger, but I now figure that the more charming you are the more evil you are as well.  He’s simply obstinate.  With Sam I tried everything.  I tried kindly dealing with him like I do Haley, I tried shaking him by the scruff, I’ve pinned him to the floor and glared in his eyes until he went limp and looked away, and I’ve gone completely bonkers on the fur ball.  I’ve learned that if Sam does something wrong I have to tell him to sit.  If I make to grab him before that or tell him to come he runs and hides.  And I’ve learned that if I want Sam to come, just in general, I have to crouch down and open my arms to him… then I can call him over – I have to do this about half the time, sometimes he actually does listen with a simple “come” command.  I’ve learned these two things, for the naughty and the coming, almost daily.

I love that Sam is such a goofball, even if it means obstinate behavior on occasion.  Sam makes me laugh more than anything else in my life.  He even makes me laugh when I’m trying to discipline him.  I’ve learned a lot about patience with Sam and because of that I’ve learned how to be more patient with people and life in general.  With Sam I’ve learned that no matter how angry he makes me I can’t possibly teach him a lesson until I’ve calmed down enough to get him to stay put – this means I’ve learned how to cool my anger quickly and discipline with my brain instead of my emotions.  Because of this I’ve learned how to be a better punching bag for Josh in times when he’s outraged and to not take it personally.  After all, everyone needs to vent sometimes and it certainly doesn’t help if it becomes an argument because the ventee gets defensive and vocal.

Laughter is good for the soul.

Haley makes me laugh.  Sam makes me laugh more.  Sam even makes me laugh at Haley more.  It’s hard to stay mad at Haley because she gets so pathetic looking about it.  It’s hard to stay mad at Sam because the way he reacts to my anger makes me laugh.  It’s hard to stay mad at the world with Haley’s pretty and knowing face sympathizing with me and Sam’s fluffy and blank face provoking me to laugh.  Fact is, if you laugh you can’t be mad.  Laughter chases the anger out of the heart.

The best parenting happens when both parents are on the same page.

When Josh and I adopted Haley she was a mess of issues stemming from abandonment.  We had her home for a couple of weeks when I noticed Josh was whistling for Haley different from me.  I thought that would be too much newness for our emotionally disheveled dog so we agreed on one whistle to use to call her.  That was our first parenting lesson on “mommy and daddy are a team.”  Since then we’ve agreed on discipline styles for every circumstance so that we both treat her the same way.  This way, no one is the bad guy.

Every kid is so unique in the way they need to receive love.

If you can’t tell already, my dogs have a lot of personality! I understood Haley right from the beginning.  I suppose that means she’s more like me than Sam is.  And on the other hand, Sam is still a daily learning experience but I’ve actually come to welcome it.  Since the main lesson he teaches me is patience and kindness I suppose those are the areas I’m severely lacking.  So thank God for Sam.

Thanks for reading my puppy love life lessons!  Maybe I’ll have more to offer on another rainy day 😉

Starts and Grief

This was written yesterday but I only got in WIFI now 🙂

Normally, starts are hard. Lately, they are impossible.

With the loss of my grandma it’s like the creative side of my brain walked out of my head, leaving only a suicide note behind. You might be thinking, “well, that’s not very convincing since you’re writing this perfectly normal blog right now.” Well, this was the only idea I had – sometimes when I can’t write or do anything else I write about the inability to write. I think I’m hoping that by “admitting my problem” I will come out on the other side a whole person again 😉

Bottom line, I’ve learned that no two grieving experiences are alike. However, I have noticed that one thing is the same: I become someone completely different with each loss. This is never a permanent or complete transformation, it’s more like someone else takes over my emotional and mental capacities for a time.

In my first grieving experience I melted into a sort of numb, nothingness. It felt like sleepwalking but with a vague awareness and the ability to access my mental capacities. This form of grieving had everyone fooled – on the outside I appeared to not only be back to normal but to be conquering the world while on the inside I was hollow,

Another grieving experience had me suddenly overridden by worry. Because of this I had a sudden appreciation for worriers. How do they manage to successfully get through the day? I am dumbfounded because in that season worry crippled me.

This time I lost half my brain. I feel as if any words I write are disjointed and confusing and any pictures I take or edit are clinging to what I know for lack of inspiration to go bigger. Every day I wake up hopeful, “today is the day I get my brain back,” only to find less of it there than the day before.

Finally I called my mom – she is a wealth of encouragement and wisdom and did not fail me in this predicament. She simply recommended I cut myself some slack and take a day off. On this day off I’m supposed to do two things: take a mental break and go get inspired. My job is to keep my computer off for a whole day and spend my time leisurely reading, wandering around outdoors, or doing anything else unrelated to my work. To get inspired she suggested taking a trip to the museum. I love that advice and am acting on it today.

Last night I got a call from my father-in-law asking me if I wanted to hitch a ride to see the guys play in Indiana and Ohio. I puzzled over the pros and cons of the scenario and ultimately resolved that, not only would this trip allow me to see Josh play, but it would give me my much needed break. So, this blog is me signing off for the weekend. Wish me luck in my hunt for the rest of my brain 😉

a Photo a Day | March 11 – 17

IMG_2876

First off, I have to admit I only busted my camera out one day this week.  I haven’t missed a day since I started my “a Photo a Day” commitment back in December but all of a sudden I was struck by grief for my grandma and simply didn’t care to do anything unless it absolutely needed to be done. I didn’t even take pictures at my Studio Grand Opening Party!  Silly me.

One night, however, there was a beautiful sunset, inspiring enough to force me to pull over and record it on camera so today I share with you the sunset from March 12, 2013.  What a beauty.

IMG_2912 IMG_2878

Miss Independent is Back

I have seen Josh for about five whole days in the last month and a half or so.  For this Redeemed Tour Citizen Way started up in our neck of the woods then headed down south, all the way west, up to Washington and over to Montana and then, finally, one month later I picked him up at a McDonald’s off the freeway in MN.  He had gone a total of around 8094 miles and 128 hours of driving for 19 shows at 19 different venues in 12 different states in 31 days and only slept 2 – 5 hours per night.  Josh and Ben Blascoe split all those miles and all those hours in the driver’s seat of their 15 passenger van.

Screen shot 2013-03-14 at 9.48.10 AMThis map shows the first 31 days of the tour, February 1 – March 4.

Needless to say, after all those miles with high energy and sold out shows in so many cities and states Josh was in need of some serious sleep.  Instead, he meets me in Minnesota to sing for my Grandma’s memorial service.  For him this meant sacrificing his big need for rest and pouring any remaining energy into loving on me, working on memorial service details, and entertaining my extended family.  And he did it all with such grace and love.  He is incredible.

If you haven’t guessed, marriage for us is different.

Because of all our time apart and weeks spent fending for myself I have found that I have reconnected with the little Miss Independent from my teenage years.  While Josh is gone I adopt a different lifestyle; I work all morning, around 1 or 2 I take a break or a nap, I get back to work, and come evening I read a book until I’m sleepy.  I mix it up with the occasional hang with a friend, a walk with the dogs, a home project, or some knitting.  It’s seems to be a very healthy pattern.  Instead of powering through 8 – 10 hours of work every day I put in 4 or 5, take a break so I can power back up and get excited and inspired, then I work the remaining 4 to 5 hours.

I also have a whole manner of affairs to tend to on my own.  Because of these little items I have to work on I have been finding that at the end of every day I feel very accomplished.  By sweeping, doing the dishes, buying groceries, juicing, getting the oil changed, shoveling the driveway, clipping the dog’s nails, or paying bills I can feel like I’ve been productive even if I’ve only been working on editing the same wedding for three days straight.

Then Josh comes home and we try to squeeze in as much togetherness as my work load can afford.  It’s a confusing back and forth because on one had I’m left to fend for myself and on the other hand I suddenly have someone around 24/7.  Talk about some whiplash.  We’re still navigating how to go between these two extremes in the ways that are easiest and most beneficial for both of us.  For the rest of this Redeemed Tour the art of this back-and-forth will be put to the test.  According to the schedule Josh is gone 4 – 5 days at a time then he’s home for 2 – 3.  As for today and the rest of this week I am Miss Independent, then come Monday I am a Mrs again for a couple of days 😉