Dear Baby,

Many weeks ago now we went in for our 20 week ultrasound to check in on you. The reassurance I receive when seeing that everything checks out well with you is hard to describe.  As your mommy, I feel so responsible for your well being.  That I could make mistake in nutrition or somehow otherwise wound you sometimes nearly debilitates me with fear.  Before having kids I truly was the opposite of a stress pot.  I was care free and go with the flow so this kind of worry and stress is brand new to me.  I hope you know that’s an indication of how much I already love and care for you, that I would do anything to ensure your safety and healthy passage into this world.  Gosh, I can’t wait to meet you!

For the first time ever we also decided to find out what we were having at this ultrasound – yes, both your sisters were surprises!  Per your awesome Aunt Sarah’s idea, we decided to take your gender in an envelope to open in private over dinner together as a family.  I loved the idea of a more intimate setting for finding out something so intimate.  When we arrived for the ultrasound we informed our tech of this choice.  So, during the ultrasound, she would occasionally suggest we avert our eyes so as not so find out unintentionally.

Immediately following the ultrasound I had to spend the rest of my afternoon in meetings and working so I stashed that envelope in my purse and felt it’s weight like a ton of bricks.

Finally, after three hours that felt like three days of waiting, we got to meet up for dinner to open that envelope.  Before opening we each guessed your gender, just for fun:  I said boy, daddy said boy, Maisy said a girl, and Penny had no idea what was going on.  I opened the envelope and froze momentarily on the word before me:  boy!  I got teary immediately and hugged your dad.  I’m so excited to hold you, my sweet boy!

I actually honestly always pictured myself as a boy mom, all boys.  And then our first was a girl, all 7 day care kids that have come in and out of our home have been girls, our dog is a girl, our chickens are all girls, and then our second baby was a girl.  I always thought that ironic and quite comical seeing as I’d pictured myself with boys.  Why did I picture myself with boys?  Well I figured I’d have a better handle on that gender because I’ve always had more of a knack for hanging with the guys that really getting a grip on being a good friend to girls.  Besides, all of my favorite things were less feminine my love of sports, like climbing trees, being fascinated by bugs and all things animal related, playing in the mud and, later, preferring hard rock music to any other variety.  I could picture myself passing a ball around, climbing trees, hunting for bugs, camping, canoeing, hiking, and otherwise having outdoorsy fun with my boys.

All that to say, your sisters are the most amazing girls I’ve ever known.  Maisy is so giving and compassionate, she never shies away from reaching out to make someone feel loved and to share a toy or a treat.  Penny has such a vivaciousness for life, she is so full of spunk and joy, and she’s such a goofball, she makes me laugh all the time.  And I’m proud to say they are not at all afraid of bugs or getting dirty, in fact, they love it!  You are one lucky little man to have these two sisters as your older siblings.  And I pray you will be that baby brother that also helps us keep those two incredibly gorgeous girls safe from boys until the proper time.

Baby boy, I’m so excited to meet you and hold you and kiss you.  You’re quite the fiesty wiggler in there, I swear I should be able to just squeak you out right through my skin since it feel like you’re game to bust out of there on your own anyways.  The layer of skin keeping you from my arms is so thin it oddly feels silly that I can’t just take you out of my belly and hold you.

Can’t wait to meet you,

Mommy