Nearly all the time I love my life as a full time mom, full time day care mom, and photographer.  But then days like today come like a slap across the face and I can’t face another dirty diaper, make another meal, wipe another runny nose, deal with another tantrum, face another whiner, replace another sopping wet breast pad, change another potty accident outfit or my clothes due to any number of these things… but I have to.

The job as a full time mom to two kids under two means it’s a job that never ends.  I wake up to it, serve it all day, and sleep with it.  But even on my worst days I would choose this set of roles I’ve been given, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t stink sometimes.  I find myself on the edge of tears just wishing they would come so I could have that release.  I find myself yelling at my toddler for the littlest things just because I’m fed up.  I find myself angry at my infant even though at the same time I know she’s just being a baby.  And I find myself wishing desperately for an hour or two of alone time to run the errands that have been on my list for weeks or write with a cup of coffee at a coffee shop all by myself.

Moms, sometimes this job is just a bummer… I’m in the thick of it with you and entirely unafraid to say it right now. Dads, this job is hard and no words will make you fully understand why and how.  Because it’s not just about the day in and day out of the demands of the job, it’s also a thankless job that is very emotionally personal and also gets a mix of hormones to boot.  Everyone else, give the next mom you see a cookie, or a hug, or a coffee or something… you will seriously make her day times ten!

I am very excited for the birth of Baby Two.  I was excited with Maisy but this birth presents some unique excitement for a couple reasons.  One, we know what we’re being given.  With Maisy we simply had only the head knowledge that we were getting a baby out of the deal.  We had no clue what that would mean for our family, what life would look like, and how amazing babies actually are.  We knew babies were cute but man there’s a lot more to them when you see all the day in and out with them!  Two, we are having a home birth with the goal of a water birth outside in our backyard.

I’m so excited about this birth and how beautiful and wholesome it is going to be that we have hired a photographer and videographer to capture the whole shebang!  For Maisy’s birth we simply had our doula snap a few (literally there are three) pictures of the laboring process.  After some research I gave them this list of things to keep in mind when taking our pictures. Though, bottom line when hiring a photographer and videographer for anything is to like the work they normally put out.  Trusting your professional is of the utmost importance!

Checklist for Labor Pictures

Please take pictures periodically all throughout labor, birth and postpartum. Try to be modest in most cases so that we can share them with others but some graphic pictures are okay for our personal viewing and cropping or deleting.

1st Stage and 2nd Stage

• Outside the house (especially if there’s a beautiful sunrise or sunset)
• Kaia laboring in the backyard
• Wide shot of each room Kaia labors in (with Kaia in the room at the time)
• At least one shot of each labor support person “in action”
• Capture the ambiance of the place (candles, other lighting, diffuser)
• Activities taking place
• Labor positions used
• Techniques used by Mom
• Techniques used by Dad and others
• Maisy
• Midwives
• Other helpers

Delivery

• Full VIDEO coverage
• Mom’s reaction
• Dad’s reaction
• Maisy’s immediate reaction
• Cord cutting
• Clock showing time
• Baby making first eye contact

Afterbirth

• 1st photo of baby
• Mommy and Daddy
• Cord cutting
• Baby procedures (weighing, etc)
• First breastfeeding
• Midwives
• Other helpers
• Baby with Maisy
• Baby with Mommy and Daddy
• Baby with Mommy, Daddy and Maisy
• Baby with midwife and doula

-written November, 2015

My whole day is my favorite part of my day.  But where’s the fun in telling you the fluffy stuff about how I spend the whole day smiling as I watch Maisy follow Harper around closer than a shadow, as I watch Maisy bust a move the very second music hits her ears, as I wake up to Maisy constantly readjusting her wakeful snuggles as she waits for me to willingly greet the day with open eyes, as I serve my weekday brood lunch and watch them converse in their own joyous babble, as I listen to Harper cheer “good job” to Maisy for simply throwing a ball, as I watch Willow grin from ear to ear all day about nothing and everything… and the list goes on for an overwhelming amount of time and space.  There are possibly good stories in those moments, but I tend to find the life-changing stories in the irregularities that are potentially disruptive and undesirable.

Today I turn around and see Maisy riding on top of a flattened Willow – she was mounted on her back like a cowboy on a pony, bouncing and all.  Willow is 1-year-old and a petite peanut.  Maisy is a 16-month-old giant.  Willow had nothing to say about the matter, but I did.  As I remove Maisy from Willow’s back I say, “Maisy, babies are for hugging, not for bouncing on.”

I turn away for one moment only turn back to see Maisy remounted and giggling.  I take her by the hand, guide her off, and say, “time out.”  Maisy walks over to her time out mat and sits down.  And gets up. “Sit down Maisy.”  She sits down.  And gets up. “Maisy, sit down.” She kind of sits down and starts whimpering.  I pick her up and put her in the other version of time out, the crib, the don’t-mess-with-me-and-move-around kind of time out.  She stands up crying.  “Maisy, sit down!”  And the cycle perpetuates and seems like it will never end until she takes a long breath. I seize the opportunity to pretend that breath was a break in naughtiness and ask for her apology.  She signs me “sorry.”  I pick her up and send her off to play.

Now she’s emotionally vulnerable and quick to return to naughtiness for any or no reason at all.  So I redirect her to a corner of toys to play by herself for a moment of regrouping.  She’s doing so peaceably when I realize I’m still in need some regrouping so I pack up the kiddos and head to Target.  I start to feel brand new the minute I shift the car in drive.

The kids had fun looking around the store as I had fun picking out Christmas presents for Toys for Children of Inmates and Operation Christmas Child.  On the way out I take my favorite seasonal latte to go and I’m better than new and ready to tackle bedtime with my overtired toddler.

Just a day in the life of this mom!

Dear Maisy,

Today as I lay with you in your bed, snuggling you to sleep, I held back tears.  We haven’t nursed in about a week and a half so I suppose it’s time to realize we are done.  I’ve even thought about offering it to you out of nowhere just to see if you’ll go for it but I told myself I would simply stop when your requests stopped.  I know I’m ready to be done, but there is a part of me that so isn’t either.

Now I find myself wishing I could go back to when you were 15 months old so I could stop myself from cutting off your night time nursing; then again going to when you were 19 months old so I could stop myself from potty training you in order to not cut off the before nap nursing and before bed nursing.  In reality, I know I was so maxed out in those moments when I decided those milk snacks had to go but I wish I could have just pushed past them because I feel we would still be going strong now, nursing 3 – 4 times day, but instead we are all done.  For a long time we held onto once a day, usually just if we hit it first thing in the morning.  I had to ask you to stop nursing usually before you were finished due to the sensitivity of my pregnancy nipples being too much to handle and perhaps that’s why you decided to give it up altogether, to avoid being pulled off before you were ready.  Part of me hopes you’ll start up again in a mere 6-7 weeks when Baby Two arrives, but part of me thinks you simply were ready to grow up that one more big step.

People always told me you’d grow up too fast.  The first year of your life was so long and sleepless, I did not feel it flying at all.  The second year of your life, however, did fly.  Suddenly my baby is a little girl and I am having a hard time keeping up with how fast you’re growing up.  I know a large part of these feelings are due to us leaving behind this last babyhood activity.

In all honestly, though I adore you, I very much did not adore nursing.  To me, nursing had nothing to do with whether I liked it or not but everything to do with aiming for at least your second birthday and from there letting you decide when you were ready to stop.  As a result we nursed for a good, long 26 months. I largely didn’t like nursing a lot of the time because it felt uncomfortably ticklish, awkwardly stimulating, and occasionally it hurt.  What I did love about nursing though was holding you, mostly near the end when I wasn’t doing it all the time.  My favorite nursing sessions with you were often right when you woke from your nap. You needed the transition time back into waking and I liked this session because you were alert enough to keep a solid, comfortable latch but sleepy enough to be mellow and cuddly.

What I really love most though is our time now.  When we snuggle you don’t ask to nurse, I simply get to hold you.  That’s what I loved about nursing anyways, the holding a still you so close to me.  I love that you have to wrap all your limbs into it, that your body molds to mine.  Even now with a baby belly you wrap so perfectly into me.  You snuggle your head into the crook of my shoulder so I can rest my head comfortably on your forehead and breath deeply the naturally sweet scent of your hair.  You curl your body neatly and tightly around my large belly.  And you tuck your knees up at the base of my belly and nestle your toes in-between my legs.  These moments, very honestly are my very favorite.  When they end I know I will be heartbroken.