Category Archives: Storytelling

First Symptoms

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Bemusings of a Baby Life

As some of you may have already read in my “Beginnings” post the tell tale signs of pregnancy kick in right away.  Or at least in my case they do, apparently not everyone experiences such early and obvious signs.  That’s just what I’ve heard.  Anyway, I will be very open because I am the kind of person that loves to know these types of things.  And when I read the book Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth about Pregnancy and Childbirth Josh was very insistent that I not only should and could share my pregnant stories for educational and entertainment purposes but that I would enjoy telling them.  Well, he’s right.  Also, the side benefit to all of this is I plan to take these stories and insert them into my baby scrapbook!  What a good way for writer and photographer mama to capture the memories right?  I’m not afraid to share, but I will forewarn you that some of you may think TMI at some points.  To you squeamish males, if you stick it out you might learn something!

My Symptoms in my First 4 Weeks of Pregnancy

Sign #1 | I have to pee… again.

Yes, this happened right away for me.  After several trips to the bathroom in the span of a couple of hours I remember thinking, “I don’t think I drank this much water.”  Then my next thought was, “is this a sign of pregnancy?”  Like a good little college graduate I looked it up and, indeed, it was!

Sign #2 | extra discharge

So for those females who have learned their body we know that there is a cycle of discharge and each different type of discharge has a different a meaning.  The beginning of this cycle is the first day of your period.  Then you move to a stage of dry fluid and this is also an infertile time.  As you progress onward the fluid becomes more fertile.  Next is a sticky fluid.  Then a fluid best described as “egg white.” And finally, the most fertile fluid is dubbed as “watery” and appears as a little, circular wet spot at the bottom of your panties.  From then on you rapidly drop down the scale again, spending the rest of the cycle mostly “dry.”  For me, the minute I didn’t go dry I started wondering.  In fact, I was always very watery.  So, again, a faithful little college graduate I looked it up and found it certainly was one of the first signs of pregnancy.

Sign #3 | sore breasts

If any of you have ever experienced the discomfort of a breast cyst you know how my breasts felt.  However, unlike a breast cyst, it felt like the whole base of my breast was a cyst… except minus the lumpy cyst.  For those of you who don’t know what this feels like, the best way I can describe this feeling is that it feels like the blend between growing pains and sore muscles the morning after a heavy work out.  My boobs hurt so bad I had a hard time with even gentle hugs!  Poor Josh had to hold me like I was a porcelain doll.  Do I have you wondering if you hugged me in this faze?  I’m a tough kid, so I offered solid hugs like always so maybe you’ll never know.  Mwahahaha… 😉

Anyway, I was puzzled and was ready to be concerned if a pregnancy test didn’t come up positive.  But it did, so turns out these sore knockers are just a normal sign that I’m pregnant.

Sign #4 | no period

For me this confirmed everything even when I was only a few days late because I am always on the button with my cycle.  But I waited to take the test until I was a good 5 days past when Josh came home again so we could enjoy the seconds of anxious excitement during the test processing together.

Congratulations, you made it!  Now you know a little something about what the very beginning of pregnancy can feel like!

The Hungry Hungry Pregnant Lady

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Bemusings of a Baby Life

9 weeks pregnant

I’m pregnant. I don’t get sick.  I don’t get unreasonably tired unless it’s past 9pm.  No, but the minute I get hungry and food is not around look out!

I have never felt so desperate to get food in my entire life as I did the night of Turkey Supper at The Connecting Church.

Please note, I started this evening hungry even before I left work at 4:00pm.

First we had a meeting to talk about putting an offer on a house.  We couldn’t find the realtor when we got there so we left and went to the church.  I was stoked thinking I would soon be fed.  A couple of minutes later I heard back from the realtor with an updated location.  We left the church for our new destination.  Our meeting there lasted about 45 minutes.  We walked back over to the church.  We waited for a freight train to let us pass.  We finally arrived at the church.  We talked to some church friends for a long time.  I started dropping hints that I was starving.  Then I started trying to pull Josh away.  Finally I succeeded.  Then we got stopped again for more conversation.  I eventually managed to pull Josh away.  Finally we were in the dining hall and seated.  But there was no food.  I leaned over and asked Josh, “how do I get food?” He angry whispered in my ear, “they bring it around.” Apparently, I was supposed to know that.  Finally the food came. By then it was 6:30pm.  I shoveled turkey into my mouth like I was never going to see food again.  I am a vegetarian.  It tasted incredible.

That night I learned something about my pregnant self, the longer I withhold food, the more I progress through a series of events: my stomach growls incessantly, I become lightheaded and dizzy, I start seeing stars, and then I get desperate.  For any of you that get cranky when your hungry, multiply that by 10 and you have what I feel at that point in my hunger process.

Now, to give Josh some credit, I had only told him about my hunger issues over the phone so far.  Yes, he had been gone for most of my pregnancy up to that point.  So, on this night of severe hunger he wasn’t quite getting it.  Yes, I was growing visibly and verbally impatient.  He wasn’t liking my behavior.  However, he certainly wasn’t getting that I was using every ounce of self restraint not to simply disregard all formalities and hunt the food down for myself.  The next day, after a long discussion,  he got it and we haven’t had another debacle since.  Getting food to pregnant Kaia is priority one in the Calhoun household.

– Written November 19

Beginnings

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– Written October 9, 2013 (5 weeks)

Beginnings foster surreal excitement.  They are moments when the whole world feels like it is within your grasp.

The moment Josh and I decided to “pull the goalie” I was flush with the kind of excitement that is rarely experienced.  It’s the kind of excitement that you don’t realize you are experiencing until your mom catches you blushing and grinning at a text message from your boyfriend or girlfriend. It also feels like Christmas morning when you anticipate opening the gifts under the tree.  Anyway, my cheeks constantly held a lively shade of scarlet and I couldn’t keep a grin off my face.

I started looking up my symptoms. Every new bodily experience of mine brought up pregnancy links first.  In these links “I knew” became a broken record – women just seemed to sense when they were pregnant even before missing their period or taking a test.  I grew more fearful that I wouldn’t “know” like these women did.  I wanted to have this seemingly divine experience with my baby and know it was there before a test told me so.  Almost right away I had inklings of knowing but I told myself it was probably unlikely just so I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

Then there was simply no denying it.  I remember telling Josh I would be  concerned about my aching breasts and surprised if I wasn’t pregnant.  Finally, I was so confident I even started praying for our little baby before I even took the test.

Josh and I decided we wanted to find out together rather than have me surprise him with the news.  I was 5 days late for my period when he got home from tour so almost right after I got home from work we both went into the bathroom to take the test.  Ordinarily I am a pee-in-a-cup pro, but this time I totally botched it up.  To my relief, Josh appeared engrossed in other things and missed my moment of shame.  I didn’t want to sneak glances at the little dipstick because I really wanted Josh to discover the answer first.  So I left the bathroom but when I came back to grab something I could see “pregnant” in my periphery.  I gasped, picked it up for closer examination, then turned it to Josh.  We stared, wide-eyed at each other for a fraction of a second then I fell into his arms with tears in my eyes.  For good measure, we left the test out on the counter until the battery died – I couldn’t help but think the test just might change its mind.

I already love where this new journey is taking me and Josh.  He’s already so sweet, offering to cook me food, packing my lunch, and seeking to meet my every whim.  I will not be demanding.  In fact, so far I beat him to the punch on these things and often reply, “oh, I already packed my lunch” or “oh, I already did that.”  But it is awesome knowing he wants to be so present and helpful.  I know he’s anxiously awaiting the advent of my cravings.  I just hope he’s not too disappointed if what I want is something like broccoli instead of pizza or Oreos.

And now, as I write this, I am keeping the biggest secret of my life when all I want to do is tell the whole world!  Today I was asked by one of my new co-workers if Josh and I had children.  I wanted to say yes, but paused for a fraction of a second before I answered with, “no, but we have two dogs.”  I feel like I’m lying.  But, I suppose, to a lot of people, the eye-of-a-needle sized person I’m carrying with me is not a life yet.  But to me, this is my child and I am already fiercely protective.  I can only pray and hope that my body is so kind and nurturing to this little cutie and anticipate the day when I can protect them with my own arms.

The best part of all of this though, is the love I feel from my Father.  I didn’t expect to get pregnant right away.  I set these expectations because I am aware it is often times takes several months for even the healthiest of couples to conceive.  When I saw our positive pregnancy test I was overtaken by a feeling or warmth and love – like God was giving me a long congratulatory hug and whispering “I love you” the whole time.  I feel so blessed to have conceived right away.

For more baby making storytelling CLICK HERE.

Baby Beginnings

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We are having a baby!  Yippee yippee yay!!!!!

As most stories start, I want to start this one at the very beginning.  Our big news starts well before conception.  An important tid bit to know about me is I don’t make decisions lightly, particularly not big decisions.  I have an unintentional rule of thumb for myself that I have to have 3 solid reasons for making any big leaps.  For example, before I got my eyebrow pierced I asked my parents for their approval.  When I did ask them my dad asked for my reasons, because he knew I would have them, and I have him these:  one, I was called a “goody-two-shoes” all through grade school because I didn’t flub up morally or rebel so I thought it was time to try and fix that a little, at least physically, specifically in the hopes of reaching those kids that might be afraid to approach a “goody-two-shoes” like me otherwise; two, my dad worked at a second chance high school and I wanted kids like those to feel like I was approachable; third, I thought they looked so cool.

So, you can imagine that if I thought so long and hard about getting a little eyebrow piercing, how convinced I would have to be in order to start a family.  Hence, the Lord obviously prepared my heart for welcoming kiddos into our family for at least a year and in doing so gave me a good, long list of solid reasons to have a baby.

I suppose the very beginning started when Josh and I got married.  We decided we were going to have kids, if we were going to have them, in about ten years – when I was about 30.  None-the-less, we still talked about kids fairly frequently.  We talked about what kind of parents we wanted to be, what our kids might be or look like, and what sort of traditions we would want to have with our family.

When I photographed my first set of twins with Bella Baby Photography at Good Shepherd Hospital our conversations picked up from a rare occasion to increasingly frequent.  There was something about photographing twins that really made my heart swell lovingly.

Then God took me another step forward and decided on the approach of talking to me through some key people.  First, my good friend Hannah had her first little boy about a year ago.  In talking with her about her pregnancy, delivery and keeping up life with an infant my eyes were opened to the reality I had hoped for in having kids.  Hannah has a similar personality and lifestyle to mine so hearing her story confirmed my hopes and dreams about maintaining an active pregnancy, delivering responsibly but naturally, and continuing to pursue career passions with a child.  These things are totally possible and I am so excited to tackle them myself now!

Then one of my best friends from high school, Alicia, had her first little boy.  Again, I had another woman with a like mind to talk to about pursuing a career and a natural approach with children.  Besides, when a best friend has a baby you fall head over heels for that little nephew!

Now, my friend Becky really did me in.  She not only booked me for 3, 6, and 9 month maternity photography but also for newborn and once a month photos of Scarlett over her first year of kickin’ it on planet Earth!  Scarlett is the epitome of adorable.  She’s got those big eyes, round face, and an adorable, dimpled, willing smile.  And I see this cutie once a month!  I remember asking Becky my list of questions after she had Scarlett.  How was your delivery?  How are you feeling?  How are you sleeping?  Were there any surprises with being a mommy?  With this last question, which is really my code question for “is this baby sucking the life out of you,” she answered just as my friends Hannah and Alicia did:  “yes I’m exhausted but I’m so happy to be.”

I hope I’m not putting words in your mouths dear friends, but when I asked you all my questions the first time I saw you with your babies you all totally won my heart over to the side of motherhood.  In the end, the key with all of these women was the fact that they not only were pursing dreams alongside raising their adorable children but they had amazing love testimonies to share!  Truth is, having a family scared me before because I usually heard blurbs about how kids suck the life out of you, how incredibly hard it is, and how they take over your whole life.  But these women told me and showed me what I had hoped for, that having kids is ultimately a blessing and that every day they are overjoyed to be moms!  These women have children in their lives, not children taking over their lives and dreams.

So now my baby fever meter was officially tickled.  I love kids.  I love Hannah, Alicia, and Becky’s babies.  And though I knew I loved kids, I was perfectly content just seeing them now and then.  But God had different plans, so He took to some more drastic measures to really get my attention; He chose a select set of days to turn my baby making decision upside down.

Key day #1:  We had a pregnancy scare.  Scare is harsh because we weren’t scared, and I think that’s the moment when we both realized separately that we were not only ready to welcome a kiddo into our family but that we were hoping the “accident” took an we were, in fact, pregnant.  I guess God didn’t want to impose that on us though, he wanted us to willingly give way before blessing us with a peanut, because we didn’t get pregnant at this moment.

Key day #2:  I photographed a very large and very adorable family.  As the story goes, Beth was desperate to get a session in with her dad and all of his family because she had gotten word he may not even have two weeks left.  He had been battling cancer for some time and the cancer was now officially winning the fight.  It took some maneuvering to get my schedule and that of all her family members aligned but we did it!  Not only was I touched by the story behind making this session happen but, more importantly, I was so moved by the closeness Beth’s dad had with all of his kids and grandkids; throughout breaks in shooting, various kiddos would walk over to him and make faces or sit on his lap or play some other silly game.

Key day #3:  I photographed a vow renewal ceremony.  This was a family of a 6 years married couple and 3 toddlers.  I fell in love with the family almost right away and the couple’s level of patience and absolute joy for their kids.  I also fell in love with their youngest daughter Kaia.  Sounds narcissistic I know, but if you look at the pictures I took of her you’ll see that it was those round, bright blue eyes and adorable chubby face that won me over.  I remember hopping in my car with a full heart and thinking, “I want a family like that and I think I might be ready now.”

Key day #3 continued:  I talked to my mom a little about the idea of having kids.  When I got home from my vow renewal ceremony I chatted with my mom in the kitchen for a while.  We easily ended up on the subject of kids since it obviously was now at the forefront of my brain.  A few key points came up in our conversation:  a good time for me and Josh to have a baby would be in the summer when he is more frequently and predictably home, Mom would come and help me with the baby, and me wanting another puppy was actually me wanting a baby.

Key day #3 continued some more:  I talked to Josh about my new revelations.  My mom asked me the other day how long Josh and I talked before deciding to start our family.  My answer, about 5 minutes.  After I chatted with my mom upstairs in the kitchen I went downstairs to see my hubby.  I fairly quickly worked into what was on my mind, “Hey so I just realized that summer would be a good time to have a baby since you’re home more and Mom said she would help take care of the baby on weekends we both have gigs.”  His reply was just as shocking, “So do you want to make a baby?”  I think I blushed, which is funny because I’m married to the guy, and I stumbled on my words mumbling about how that’s not what I meant but that I just wanted to share my new found wisdom.  He simply asked the question again.  We got pregnant within days and found out officially on October 7th via a pregnancy test.  The coolest thing about all of that is that I had a specific prayer since photographing that set of twins at the hospital that if and when Josh and I were supposed to start the baby making journey that Josh would give us the green light, not me.

So maybe you’re wondering what my list of reasons to make this baby were?  Yes, it is important to me to be able to follow our dreams while raising a family. Yes, it totally meant the world to me to confirm that it was, in fact, more than possible for babies to integrate into the life structure you created instead of them taking over the whole show.  And yes, I did want a baby.  But, honestly, my list was only this long.

  1. God asked us to let go and let him make our little miracle.

That was all I really needed to know.  I know our journey may be tough at times, but I am so excited to be taking this adventure with the love of my life.  I think we are going to have some fun!

Happy New Year everyone!

Charlie Horses and True Character

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Last night I woke up to the most painful Charlie Horse I’ve ever experienced. I yelped in pain so Josh sprung up like a Jack-in-the-Box asking what was wrong. He thought I had a nightmare, because I do have a lot of those, so it took me three pained tries to get him to understand I was experiencing a Charlie Horse.

The moment he understood he starts massaging my foot, “is it your foot?”

“No it’s my calf.”

He starts massaging my calf.

“Whoa hold on, be gentle, it hurts.”

So then he rubs it with his finger tips until the cramping is gone.

It amazes me how his gut reaction in the middle of the night is to love and serve me. Now that is a real revelation of true character! Joshua, you really are the best!