Dear Penny,

On February 5, I found out I was pregnant.  I’m thankful that my thoughts didn’t immediately go to you because you are my bittersweet part of this puzzle.  But, come evening, I see you grinning at me from across the room and my heart sinks a little for the thought of what having this baby will mean for your feelings.

When Baby comes, things will have to change, you’ll have to become more independent.  When you came along, it tore my heart apart having to push Maisy aside whenever your needs were greater than hers.  To her, I was her everything so that part of sisterhood was heart crushing to her.  She adored me and you through it all, but it was so hard seeing her sad little heart learn how to adjust.  With Maisy I so badly wanted to preserve our fierce bond to each other, that she wouldn’t feel shafted or pushed to the side.  With you I so badly want to preserve the joy you are to me.  I’m worried you’ll crash spiral into a very broken, sad baby.  I hope and pray that that it won’t feel to either of us like I have to give up one baby, you, to make way for the new baby.

Just know I love you with a joy I can’t describe and that I’m going to fight to keep that alive, even when you’re struggling with sharing me.  I have wholeheartedly adored every moment of babyhood with you.  You are an incredible joy and wonder to my heart.  You make every day sunny and full of life.  You’re are easygoing, considerate, smart, and so easy to love.

I love you like crazy,

Mommy