A Letter to Penny: Oh How You’ve Healed Me

7 Month Old Penny


Dearest Penny,

I simply, completely adore you.  You are sweet, gentle, and easy-going. You so specifically and keenly adore me and only ever long to be with me.  You are a fast learner, so smart.

You are so beautiful.  Your deep blue eyes calm me as if they were made of quiet, lapping ocean waves.  They are so captivating and life-giving I can’t look away from you.  Your smile fills me up with warm tingles, butterflies, and a bubbly pleasantness all at once and, in turn, inevitably lights my own face up in a returning smile.  You’re pale, marshmallow arms and legs are buttery soft and perfect for all day squishing and snuggling.

I love the way you always look for me when someone else is holding you.  I love the way you hold a gaze with me.  I love the way you turn into me and seek to embrace me in a squeeze with your tiny wingspan the minute we start heading upstairs to enjoy some pre-nap nursing and snuggles.  I love the way you light up, ear to ear, the minute I peek my head in the door to get you from a nap.  I love the way your arms and your legs pump in excitement when I pick you up.

It’s hard to say what I love most about you, I truly love all of it equally and with every fiber of my being.  But what amazes me the most about you is how peace-giving you are to me.  Something about you grounds me in the center of the best me I can be.  Something about you brings me peace and calm even when I normally would be a raging storm.

You have been a healing presence.  From pregnancy, to labor, to birth, to babyhood.  Ever since you were conceived you changed me completely.  The pregnancy hormones that surged through my being to develop you did something equally amazing at the same time, corrected my postpartum depression overnight.

I remember the day everything changed.  I remember waking up that morning to my 5am wake up call of a first born daughter and saw the world in a golden light and felt a skip in my step.

And then in labor you gave me a second miracle, a natural home birth that was much shorter and more rewarding than my previous experience delivering Maisy.

Your third miracle was your first breath.  You fought for that breath with the cord around your neck and after… until you, and I, could breath easy.

Your fourth miracle was simply being you.  I found so much joy in being your mother from the moment I pulled you into my arms with that last push.  I loved you immediately and so completely.  You made me understand why babies are so wonderful and so loved.  You made me want this babyhood stage to never end.  You are so pure and so perfect.  You are so reasonable and sweet.

With all this gushing about you I feel I have to mention that I also love your sister ferociously – just as much, though very differently.  She is the fire that was built to refine me.  You, dear Penny, are the peace sent to calm me.  When I look at you I feel God whispering to me, “she is your gift.”  And my heart whispering back, “thank you for this gift.”

I love you with all my heart and always will.




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