First Kicks

Bemusings of a Baby Life

– 28 weeks pregnant

I have to admit, I didn’t much enjoy baby’s movements until recently.  This little kiddo started wiggling very early and noticeably kicked Josh for the first time at 16 weeks.  I was excited at first of course, then the constant squirming in my belly felt more like a bad case of the butterflies or poorly processing bowel movements.  I started feeling a little bad about my feelings because I kept being told by other moms stuff like “isn’t that the best!” or “oh I miss feeling my baby like that.”  But a week or so ago I finally joined the ranks of moms who view baby’s movements fondly.

I had a wicked stomach bug a couple of weeks ago; with my already struggling digestion and a baby moving around constantly the addition of the vomitous mass threatening to explode at any moment and my diarrhea infested intestines I was miserable.  They all said getting sick when pregnant is the worst and they were right!  I have never had the flu for more than 48 hours and this bug lasted a week, caging me in my bed for 3 of those days.  Then, when my flu finally fled for good I found myself in love with feeling my baby move.

I love falling asleep with my hands on my belly feeling baby kick me here and head bump me there.  I love that I can tell where baby’s butt is and the difference between getting punched or kicked.  I have learned that this baby particularly likes the drums.  A couple of weeks back I sang with Josh at Central Christian Church.  Our friend Dustin would hammer the drums at different points in the set and every time the baby unleashed an unprecedented dance party.  That was very distracting but I loved it.   Actually, I grinned like a fool on that stage.  Sometimes I swear the baby is playing the surface of my belly like a piano or the drums.  Other times, I’m fairly certain the baby is trying to tickle me from the inside.

As Josh and I were watching a show the other night I was experiencing a particularly active session with baby.  As I held my baby through my belly I muttered “I love this baby.”  And I do.  Josh said, “And you were worried about not loving our baby.”  And I was.  I had heard stories about women who birthed their babies and when they saw them for the first time they didn’t feel anything.  I heard that, in some cases, it took the mom a few days to fall in love with their baby.  It was my understanding this was primarily due to the fact that these women expected their baby to look a different way.  Well, I have no clue what my baby looks like, but I do know I already love them wholly and completely.  I would do anything to keep them safe and show them love.  I even have dreams, ok nightmares, about getting attacked and all I’m thinking in these dreams now-a-days is how I could position myself to defend my baby against the assailant.  My instincts are to use my body to shield my baby belly from whatever may threaten to harm my little treasure.

I truly am looking forward to meeting this baby and experiencing love in a whole new way.  I’m excited to use what I learn about love from loving my baby to better love everyone else better too.

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