When She’s Not So Little Anymore

Posted on August 12, 2015 by Kaia Calhoun

If you ask me how Maisy is I without fail will tell you something like, “She’s so much fun! And she’s so sweet and smart.” If you ask me how we’re doing I’ll likely tell you, “Sleep is challenging but she’s so stinking sweet and fun.”

I just finished nursing that girl to sleep. As I watched her fade at the breast I got tears in my eyes. She is so incredible. So lovable, and loving, and kind, and sharing, and giving, and snuggly, and sweet. Sweet is the best way to overall describe this little girl.

(Besides, someone who goes as nutty for candy, ice cream, and anything sugary as this girl does have to be inherently sweet herself right?)

When she plays with me, other kids, and our dogs she’s always handing others her toys until next thing I know she has nothing left to play with herself. If another kid physically wounds her she simply stares perplexedly back at them, not lashing back, and then may turn to me to cry a little if it was a significant blow. But if another kid says something hurtful to her you can bet she’ll turn to me and cry a little.

At church I love watching other kids follow her around to and fro. How a baby could be entertaining to older kids I have no idea but they eat her up anyways!

Most of our days are spent finding the next way to snuggle. We snuggle at my desk while I’m working. She snuggles my leg while I cook or I hold her while I attempt some one-handed cooking. While I’m gardening she’s clinging to my back or my bent knees. At sleep times we snuggle as we read, nurse, and rock. She’s really perfectly content provided she has someone who loves her to touch at all times.

I distinctly remember one doctor’s visit when Maisy was still enwombed (made up word, I like it) when my doctor said something like, “are you ready to meet your new best friend.” Honestly, at the time, I distinctly thought, “yeah right.” You’d think a girl who’s best friends with her mom would likely expect the same right? Not this one. I’m logical and it seemed to me the odds were stacked against me. I felt like I heard kids complain and gripe about their parents much more frequently than they praised them and indicated that they even liked them. So I was preparing myself for children that would likely hate me. But my doctor was right. At least right now, Maisy and I are best buds. I mean, we do everything together! We go to church together, we go for walks together, we go shopping together, we eat all our meals together, we sleep together, we play together, we work together, and we laugh a lot together.

My baby isn’t much of a baby anymore. She’s not helpless. She’s not oblivious. My little girl can go up and down stairs by herself. She can obey. She can say some words. She can sign. I am completely in love with her and can’t imagine loving her more. And yet, every day I do. I love her more.

Bedsharing with Maisy

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Kaia Calhoun

Before Maisy arrived I pondered bed sharing with a sense of unease. The idea of putting a tiny human being next to two full grown adults, one of which being a tossing and turning hard sleeper, sounded like a death trap. Actually, since having Maisy Josh’s sleeping skills have proven to be even more proficient than I initially expected. While my whole being propels out of bed at Maisy’s slightest sound Josh remains soundly asleep even if she’s been joyfully greeting the day with screeches and shouts for over 15 minutes.

Anyway, I spent over 72 hours in heavy labor before Maisy was born, then night came, then she made a peep, then she was in bed with me. It was simply survival. I was exhausted, torn to bits, and alone. It took me approximately 1 minute to realize that the way I was not only going to survive but thrive at mothering an infant with a husband who spends half of our lives on the road, I was going to sleep with this baby. Because, that night and every night following, this baby only stands a chance of sleeping well if she’s next to me.

I love bedsharing. I love that in the middle of the night when she’s hungry all I have to do is whip out my ready made food supply and pass back out while she feeds herself (sometimes this tickling of a very sensitive area causes some peculiar dreams though.) I love that in the morning I wake up to I bright eyed and smiling little bundle of joy (she’s seriously the most joyful morning person ever but also laid back enough to allow me enough time to get on board with starting the day at, sometimes, 5 am.) I love that even as a newborn she somehow managed to scoot over and nestle her face into the crook of my neck if I ventured too far away in my sleep (even if it meant being pinned between Maisy and Josh). I love that I get to spend all night long snuggling with my favorite little girl in the world (talk about quality time!) And I have to believe that all of this is creating a nest egg of love inside my baby girl that will assure her that I adore her no matter what someone says to her at school or how long she has to be in time out or how much she thinks she hates me at any point. Although, if the only benefit is that I get this nest egg of love that is good enough too. I know that on the days I want to scream at her or the days I’m so tired I just cry or moments when I feel at a loss for what to do that I can easily conjure up my baby’s morning grin or any one of those moments in the middle of the night when I discover her nestled into my neck.

Do I recommend bedsharing? Absolutely! Turns out, it’s perfectly safe, natural, and desireable! It is my sanity. It unleashes joy I would not get to experience otherwise. And it builds in me a nurturing heart that is bigger than I could have hoped for. There are so many mornings that I comment to Josh how I can’t imagine missing those moments with her just to have a little extra space in bed. Bedsharing means, usually, more frequent night wakings than a crib baby but the trade off is well worth it. I’m glad I still have some time with Maisy in our bed before she outgrows that need and needs more of her own space instead because, though I may be ready to get more sleep at night, I am not ready to give up that intimacy with her.

*These are all older pictures… I really have to take some recent bedsharing pictures!

Falling in Love with Maisy

Posted on August 13, 2014 by Kaia Calhoun

I knew I loved Maisy even before a pee stick told me I was pregnant. I distinctly remember praying for her on a run one day, a week before even taking the test was a possibility, and I prayed that she would love Jesus to her very core, be so full of joy, and come out perfectly healthy.

The moment I touched her I knew I loved her. This love was more a provident love. I knew all I wanted to do was provide for her and care for her better than anyone else in the world has ever cared for anyone.

But it wasn’t until the day after the hardship of trying to care for a newborn while photographing Sarah + Travis‘ wedding and the full day of mothering maddness that followed that my head love for Maisy found my heart. The thing is, I knew I loved Maisy but I didn’t feel it for a little while. Perhaps part of this is due to the zombie-like nature I found myself in for the first week and a half of new motherhood, but perhaps it is the hardship that finally connected my head with my heart. I have found it is only really “doing life” with someone that seals a friendship. Maisy is and was an easy baby. Motherhood and Maisy made sense to me and I was stress free… until Maisy’s 9th day. On Maisy’s 9th day I photographed a wedding. The wedding went well and Maisy was a champ, but the next day all hell broke loose. Maisy seemed desperate to eat all day long despite the fact that overeating only ended in projective vomit (see”Upchuck and Church“). It was an exhausting day and by the end of it I cried. The next day I woke up to the same baby but with a new dose of help: the moment my sleepy eyes met my newborn’s face my heart filled with this most bubbly, lovely goodness. That was the moment I truly fell in love with my daughter. A couple days later she knowingly smiled at me and we’ve been best friends ever since.

Skunked Dog

Posted on July 8, 2013 by Kaia Calhoun

The story of my first skunked adventure with my dogs.

“a Photo a Day” blog post is postponed until tomorrow 🙂

Last night I let the dogs out for their ritualistic, before bed time tinkle. When I hear Sam barking his “I’m super scared and trying to scare something off” bark I run to the door and when I open it two things happen at once: the reek of skunk floods my nostrils and Haley bolts inside. Curiously though, Sam stubbornly stays outside. I get nervous because I can’t see a thing and I assume that, since Sam is rooted to the spot, that the skunk is possibly dead or wounded at his feet. I dart back inside and frantically run around the house turning on the porch light and grabbing my iPhone for a flashlight so I can see what I’m dealing with.

Sam looked unscathed and was alone but had crazy eyes. I proceed to call him again but he wouldn’t budge. Finally he moves but only in a tiny arch that keeps him as far away from the back of the house and the door I’m summoning him to as his harness will allow. I don’t want to dawdle around for fear of the skunk rushing me or Sam so I result to bribing. I pull out some dog food shake it until Sam forgets the threat long enough to answer my call.

I leave him on the harness in the porch so he can’t touch anything else. Now that both dogs are safe I go find Haley to check if she stinks. She does. In fact, the whole room does because she went directly to the bedroom and rolled all over the bed.

I call her into the bathroom and she is wonderfully obedient as usual. I tell her to stay while I fetch a towel and a couple other bath necessities and get to work. I lift her into the tub. This makes me laugh, as usual, because she does this spread eagle, disjoined air sprawl. Once she is in I set to work. I soap her up once, then twice, and then I give her a sniff. She still reeks but now I can at least pinpoint the place on her body where the smell is coming from. But I need another plan since the soap proved mostly ineffective.

I leave my shivering dog in the tub while I research solutions. I found one that required hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and dish soap; I didn’t have hydrogen peroxide but decided I would have to give it a shot anyway. I think it helped but she still reeked.

I take a break to give my oddly patient Sam a sniff. I smell his face. Nothing. I smell his back. Nothing. I smell his belly. Nothing. And I am so convinced at the naughtiness of my dog that I smell every inch of him but I still don’t get even a slight whiff of skunk. I’m completely floored. How is it possible that my disobedient, trouble-making Sam was the good dog tonight. I suddenly realize that he was somehow smart enough to recognize the threat without having to investigate AND had the good grace to alert me of the issue.

Even though Sam doesn’t smell, I’m so convinced that he had to be the culprit that I actually entertain the idea that I’m so used to the smell already that I simply can’t smell it on him. But that doesn’t hold up because when I go sniff Haley again there is no mistaking that she definitely was skunked. So I let Sam off the hook and bring him around the house as my investigator. He promptly reveals to me any areas Haley touched with her skunk face and I gather up all that stuff and pop it in the wash. I give Sam a grateful pet and squeeze and get back to the bathroom to attend to Haley.

I just sit on my bathroom floor for a while… pondering what I can possibly do to get rid of the stink. My eyes fall on my Sabon Body Scrub. I shrug and think “well, it’s worth a shot.” I am hoping the oils in the scrub will replace and overwhelm the skunk oils. I scrub her once. Sniff. And she actually smells significantly better but I still have two troublesome spots to deal with. I scrub her two more times and decide the scrub can’t do any more for me. So I try the baking soda/dish soap blend again and she’s about as close to clean as I can get her I think.

I lift her out of the tub, dry her off, make her sit, and rub tea tree oil on her face. And I did it! After three different methods of washing and a little tea tree oil my dog is odor free!

It is midnight but I quickly give Sam a bath just because I’m already at it, wash myself (half to get the now pouring sweat off of me and half to secure my own odor-free state), rotate the laundry, make the bed with spare sheets, and crawl into bed with my two clean, but semi-damp pups and fall asleep smiling.