So a few weeks back I got to watch some of America’s Funniest Home videos with dearest Hannah and Austin. I just laugh so stinkin’ hard at those! While I was watching it occurred to me that I have a very conversational dog that makes me laugh regularly and that, perhaps, I should maybe share the funnies with everyone else. So, below is one of my first attempts at getting his chatter on camera 😉 I promise, I get better at finding the good moments… more videos to come soon!
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Wednesday Words
A couple of weeks ago I made a last-minute trip up to Minnesota to see my Grandma. After I was informed she was stopping her dialysis treatment and moving into hospice I was desperate to connect with her one last time. With a little extra push from my hubby I made the 7 hour trip, or 8 hours in this case since I drove through snow on the way up, and got to visit with her a couple of times before I had to head back home to shoot a wedding. (CLICK HERE for the full story about that trip.)
On Friday Grandma took a turn for the worse. My mom called asking me to pray hard because she had gotten the call that Grandma was at her end and, if she wanted to be there to say goodbye, she had to get there right away. With a 45 minute drive ahead of her my mom was desperate for some divine intervention so she could make it in time.
After calling Josh and praying with him and sending a quick text to my small group pleading for prayer, I got on my knees and prayed as hard as I’ve ever prayed. I prayed for my mom to get to Grandma on time but I mostly prayed that God would claim my Grandma as one of His own before she breathed her last. This was a common prayer for me in the last couple of years but never so desperately and fervently
As I prayed God kept talking over me. When I finally was quite for a moment all I heard him say was “Kaia, stop praying for this, I already have her in the palm of my hand. She is one of my own.” My heart soared and I was filled with such peace and hope.
My mom did make it in time that day and my Grandma decided she wasn’t done with life yet.
On Monday, February 25 at around 6:30 am my strong-willed and spunky grandma breathed her last. I awoke at 7:30 am to a voicemail from my dad with that news and my heart was so glad that she was finally safely home and no longer in pain. As I listened through the voicemail I was given this beautiful vision of my white-haired, though obviously healthy, smiling Grandma. It was a smile free of pain and struggle and a face so full of life and peace and love and joy. She truly was so beautiful! I really loved my grandma and my heart grieves that I can’t share and laugh with her anymore but I am so excited to see her again when I get to travel to paradise.
Today I am home in Minnesota again to spend time with my now orphaned mom and help her in any way I can. We have planned the funeral for Tuesday, March 5, 2013 and, by the grace of God, my hubby is able to make it (he is currently on tour with Big Daddy Weave and Chris August so the fact that he can break away is amazing) AND do the music AND my father-in-law so graciously agreed to make the long trek up to the service. God is so good!
Thank you all so much for your prayers, support, and encouragement. We can feel the strength and peace that we are being given from your prayers! You are a blessing!
Some of you friends have been very faithful in prayer on behalf of my grandma and I thank you so much for your support in that!
I suddenly had enough of fretting about her situation in my empty house and resolved to set my sails to Minnesota to be sure I got to see her. I decided last Tuesday evening, prepped myself all day Wednesday, and was finally on the road at around 6pm. I should have waited until morning.
Ordinarily I avoid driving in the night at all costs. In this case I was bent on getting there ASAP so I not only drove in the dark but I started my drive in the dark. And then, about halfway through my drive, snow hit. With the pitch black blanket of midnight sky cast by nighttime darkness and thick cloud cover my headlights seemed to barely pierce the endless darkness around me. It was so dark that, for the first time in my life, I was actually grateful for light pollution when I came upon some because I could actually navigate my tires into and safely along the lone pair of treads set before me – there was not a snow plow in sight and the snow was only getting heavier so the freeway was covered with one thick snow blanket. At one point I contemplated just pulling over and sleeping in the car until the snow passed, or until a snow plow came through, or until morning but I’m as much of a stubborn Norwegian as my grandma so I kept at it.
I passed five cars swallowed by ditches, nearly got sideswiped by an over-confident semi truck driver, and added an extra hour or so to my already 7 hour drive but I made it.
The next morning I awoke to coffee time with Mom and then we headed to visit Grandma. I was hopeful in going to see her because only a couple of days before my mom told me how Grandma said something like this, “those who believeth and are baptized will be saved.” Up until this point I thought my grandma was intentionally as far from finding God as possible. I can’t say whether she has asked Jesus to be Lord over her life, though hopefully I will find that out soon, I can say that knowing she quoted scripture gave me hope that if she didn’t already she might be much more up for it than I thought!
My time with Grandma was lovely and gave me peace. Honestly, my Grandma is a hoot to hang with. We talked a lot about Josh, I think she has a little crush on him ;), and I tried to get her to tell me stories from her childhood.
On the last day I was home I went to visit her by myself. I brought the dogs and Josh’s music so she could meet my furry kiddos and hear some rough cuts of Citizen Way’s new album coming out in the next couple months. She was amused by my pups until Sam tried to snuggle one too many times and drew blood on her fragile skin with his persistently knife-like claws. So I put them away and put the music on. She reclined and listened intently to every tune I played for her. I’m pretty sure she couldn’t have possibly understood the lyrics but I was praying all the while that the words would sink into her heart anyway. After she tired of music we chatted. At one point she dozed off and she was so still that I thought she died right in front of me! But, just before I asked Gene, her 24 hour caregiver, for help, Grandma spoke again behind me. Thank the Lord! I was so freaked!
Before I left I asked if I could pray for Grandma. “Oh yeah!” she said. A much more enthusiastic response than I expected so my heart fluttered even more hopefully for her. After the prayer and a gentle, awkward stooping hug and said goodbye. I said “I love you Grandma” and she said “drive safe” (she doesn’t say “I love you”) and that’s all I know for now.
I have written her a postcard and called her since but I have nothing else major to report. She is gradually but surely declining daily in health as the toxins seep into her blood but she’s a tough old lady and is hanging in there. I’m still so hopeful I will get to see her at least one more time when I go up in about a week for a ski trip with my brother.
Continue praying for her salvation until I find out for sure whether or not she professes Jesus Christ as her savior but please also pray for her pain and that she can keep a sound mind until I know for sure she’s in God’s hands 🙂
The flowers are the Valentines flowers we got her 🙂
Wednesday Words
My friend Becky posted this blog yesterday morning and inspired me to share my similar, yet different story.
A traditional marriage has a stay-at-home mom, kids, and a 9 – 5 working husband. In this model the husband works all day to provide for the family while the wife stays at home caring for the kids and then they all get to spend the evening and weekends together.
A couple of years ago, within a month, Josh and I both transitioned into full-time self-employment. A year later Citizen Way, Josh’s band, was signed and I had to wean off of most of my part-time/freelance gigs to put enough time into my business, a Sunshine Moment.
As a result, in my marriage, I am the bread-winner right now, which is a joke because I am an artist, and my husband sometimes spends weeks at a time away from the house. This makes me responsible for taking care of our home, making the money, doing our budget, paying the bills, taking care of the dogs, and taking care of myself. I’ve become all too aware that this wouldn’t be nearly as difficult if I was single and only paying bills for one person while splitting the rent with a roommate or two. Not to mention, I’d have people around.
So, as Josh is gone for days or weeks at a time I work overtime in my little corner to pay our bills. I don’t complain anymore. Yes, this means I used to. I used to take it hard when Josh left for a few days at a time. Now our normal is weeks at a time so I push any inconvenient feelings into a box in the back corner of my brain and lock them back there.
Most people think what we have is ideal. I mean we’re doing what we love and getting paid for it right? Yes we are doing what we love. But, currently, Josh isn’t really getting paid for it and I’m barely getting paid for it. It’s the fact of our life and a risk we have to take in hopes that money will come eventually.
So this is my norm. And after this past week, I would take that every day if I didn’t have to live what I’m living right now…
On Thursday Josh left for 4+ weeks of nonstop touring.
On Friday my mom called to tell me my Grandma decided to stop dialysis (this means she has about 2 weeks to live).
On Sunday that knowledge, despite my best efforts of to contain it, traveled from my head to my heart and spilled over as buckets of messy, snotty tears.
Yesterday I was pushed further. Sam first snatched a chocolate chip cookie right off the table while I was in the bathroom. When I found him all that was left were crumbs and chocolate smears all over my couch. A couple hours later I came home from running a vital errand for the band to find he’d managed to get into the bathroom and distribute the contents of the trash all over the house and snatch the box of donuts off of a different table and polish them off.
Something in me snapped. After almost throwing Sam out of the house to be in time out I melted to a puddle of wailing in the middle of my kitchen floor. I picked myself up only to crumple again onto the more favorable, carpeted floor of the living room. When I finally reached a state of numbness, I let Sam in, and spent the next two hours completely still and silent on my couch. I dozed in-between bouts of just staring at the wall. I have never felt so alone and helpless.
The worst part is I told myself I would be strong because there’s nothing worse than having a needy wife at home making a mess of herself. But it appears I can only manage for so long before succumbing to my black hole of remorse.
My grandma does not know Jesus. So even though she is still alive my fear and grief for her soul is consuming my whole body. I have prayed for her consistently for a year and a half and now and with only two weeks left to reach her I simply feel hopeless.
Perhaps this is me reaching out for help. But all I really want is for my grandma to find Jesus so I ask that you simply pray your hearts out for her because the prayers of one broken-hearted girl is not enough anymore.
Today is FACT Friday but to get the day started I first want to tell you a little story from my morning.
My Sam is an 18 pound Pug and French Bulldog mix. His eyes are slightly cock-eyed and he wags his tail with a simple glance in his direction. He looks and talks like a hyena.
Sam is not the smartest. My other dog, Haley, understands full sentences and Sam barely understands “come.” In fact, when you talk to Haley it is easy to sense she’s really listening and actually understanding some of what you are saying. When you talk to Sam he gladly watches you talk to whole time with an uncomprehending grin pasted to his face and his tail wagging.
For a brief time we trusted Sam to go outside off a leash to do his business. But after a near-death experience we decided he could not be trusted so we hooked him back up to his harness. The amount of leash he has gives him just enough room to wind around a stump in the yard… perhaps you can guess what he does frequently.
This morning was no exception. Haley came it obediently as usual and Sam barked his predicament at me from out in the fresh piles of snow. I went for my boots but then I decided I might see if pulling on the line wouldn’t reveal the way back around the stump. I creeped outside just far enough to reach the line and before I did Sam danced around the stump, like he’s known what to do all along, and barreled towards me with a goofy grin pasted to his face and tongue lolling.
Joke is on me.
P.S. If you haven’t already, check out y 100th Blog Post Giveaway. There are still a few days left to enter in the drawing for a free session 🙂
Musings of a Musician's Wife 