Tag Archives: faith

40 Days in the Desert | Challenge 2

Posted on by

Day 2 | “Led by the Spirit” Part 2

Yesterday my learnings led me off course from a challenge I wanted to present.

Challenge 2 | Follow a Prompting

It sounds simple enough, but when facing the trials the Spirit might lead you in to it can be nearly impossible to agree to follow faithfully.  But the hard truth is that it ought to be our greatest pleasure to be able to serve the living God and be His vessel.  Because, the plain fact is, He can do His will with or without our help.  He simply gives us the opportunity and joy of calling us to help on occasion.

At times this will be a very hard prompting to follow or too easily ignored but if we are faithful He rewards abundantly by directly blessing us or indirectly blessing someone else.  I’ve learned over the years that He does indeed work everything towards bringing about His kingdom and for the good of those who love him.  We are not in a place and age that condemns us to death for practicing a Christian faith and yet I find myself too many times too feeble to act on the simple tasks He sets before me.  So, this challenge is as much for me as you.

Perhaps when you’re finished following your prompting you would like to share?  I would love to hear how God is using you!

A Musician’s Wife’s Reality

Posted on by

Wednesday Words

My friend Becky posted this blog yesterday morning and inspired me to share my similar, yet different story.

A traditional marriage has a stay-at-home mom, kids, and a 9 – 5 working husband.  In this model the husband works all day to provide for the family while the wife stays at home caring for the kids and then they all get to spend the evening and weekends together.

A couple of years ago, within a month, Josh and I both transitioned into full-time self-employment.  A year later Citizen Way, Josh’s band, was signed and I had to wean off of most of my part-time/freelance gigs to put enough time into my business, a Sunshine Moment.

As a result, in my marriage, I am the bread-winner right now, which is a joke because I am an artist, and my husband sometimes spends weeks at a time away from the house.  This makes me responsible for taking care of our home, making the money, doing our budget, paying the bills, taking care of the dogs, and taking care of myself. I’ve become all too aware that this wouldn’t be nearly as difficult if I was single and only paying bills for one person while splitting the rent with a roommate or two.  Not to mention, I’d have people around.

So, as Josh is gone for days or weeks at a time I work overtime in my little corner to pay our bills.  I don’t complain anymore.  Yes, this means I used to.  I used to take it hard when Josh left for a few days at a time.  Now our normal is weeks at a time so I push any inconvenient feelings into a box in the back corner of my brain and lock them back there.

Most people think what we have is ideal.  I mean we’re doing what we love and getting paid for it right?  Yes we are doing what we love.  But, currently, Josh isn’t really getting paid for it and I’m barely getting paid for it.  It’s the fact of our life and a risk we have to take in hopes that money will come eventually.

So this is my norm.  And after this past week, I would take that every day if I didn’t have to live what I’m living right now…

On Thursday Josh left for 4+ weeks of nonstop touring.

On Friday my mom called to tell me my Grandma decided to stop dialysis (this means she has about 2 weeks to live).

On Sunday that knowledge, despite my best efforts of to contain it, traveled from my head to my heart and spilled over as buckets of messy, snotty tears.

Yesterday I was pushed further.  Sam first snatched a chocolate chip cookie right off the table while I was in the bathroom.  When I found him all that was left were crumbs and chocolate smears all over my couch.  A couple hours later I came home from running a vital errand for the band to find he’d managed to get into the bathroom and distribute the contents of the trash all over the house and snatch the box of donuts off of a different table and polish them off.

Something in me snapped.  After almost throwing Sam out of the house to be in time out I melted to a puddle of wailing in the middle of my kitchen floor.  I picked myself up only to crumple again onto the more favorable, carpeted floor of the living room.  When I finally reached a state of numbness, I let Sam in, and spent the next two hours completely still and silent on my couch.  I dozed in-between bouts of just staring at the wall.  I have never felt so alone and helpless.

The worst part is I told myself I would be strong because there’s nothing worse than having a needy wife at home making a mess of herself.  But it appears I can only manage for so long before succumbing to my black hole of remorse.

My grandma does not know Jesus.  So even though she is still alive my fear and grief for her soul is consuming my whole body.  I have prayed for her consistently for a year and a half and now and with only two weeks left to reach her I simply feel hopeless.

Perhaps this is me reaching out for help. But all I really want is for my grandma to find Jesus so I ask that you simply pray your hearts out for her because the prayers of one broken-hearted girl is not enough anymore.

Book Review | An Echo in the Darkness

Posted on by

2Tuesday

SUMMARY

An Echo in the Darkness is the second book in Francine River’s Mark of the Lion historical fiction series.  In the first book  the reader is introduced to all the main characters: Hadassah, Marcus and Julia Valerian, Rizpah and Atretes.  In An Echo in the Darkness Hadassah, Marcus and Julia take over the narrative – Rizpah and Atretes take the narrative of As Sure as the Dawn, the third and final book in the series.

SPOILER ALERT, if you have not read the first book in the series I will give away some key details below by sharing the basis of An Echo in the Darkness.

When we meet Hadassah she is a Christian Jew taken from Jerusalem to Rome to become a slave in the Valerian household.  Marcus is the son of the prominent and abundantly wealthy Decimus Valerian.  Julia is the wholey self-absorbed, stubbornly independent daughter of Decimus.

We start An Echo in the Darkness with the broken-hearted and hungry Marcus.  He wanders about Ephesus and then Rome with a new pair of eyes that reveals the corrupt and broken nature of the two great cities.  Shortly thereafter, he resolves to seek God in order to curse him for taking Hadassah from him.  That is where his journey really begins.  His tale is full of wonderfully colorful characters and revelation.

We find Hadassah in a new role as an assistant to Alexander, a great physician.  Alexander saved Hadassah.  When she was still breathing after being brutally attacked by a lion, Alexander had compassion for her and instead of slicing her open for medical research he smuggled the dying Hadassah from the arena.  He was able to heal her, but at the expense of a terribly scarred face and a crippled leg.

The reader meets Julia in her fancy villa at the beginning of a treacherous illness and at the end of a long string of terrible decisions.

REVIEW

In contrast to the increasing hopelessness and turmoil in A Voice in the Wind, An Echo in the Darkness brought reward and hope to the tribulation of its predecessor.  What I loved most about this novel was the character molding, the hope of the redemption message and how I got to better understand the history of the Bible.

As the second book in the Mark of the Lion series An Echo in the Darkness carries on with character molding.  In A Voice in the Wind the reader follows Julia from a whimsical and carefree young woman to a sinister and self-indulgent wealthy aristocrat, Hadassah evolves from a destitute Jew to a shy slave girl to a bold woman of faith, and  the bull-headed and promiscuous Marcus becomes devoted in love to Hadassah and his financial desire slips away.  This is where we begin with our beloved characters in An Echo in the Darkness.  It is in this book I really fell in love with the characters and because of their stories I found myself feeling hopeful, challenged, and encouraged in my own relationship with Christ.  When Marcus chose the Lord and was baptized my heart rejoiced, almost as if for a real person.  I felt the same about Julia but almost ten-fold.  She was so stubborn and selfishly lost that for her to recover enough to recognize her own sin as sin and walk into the open arms of Christ was a miracle.  With these two redemption messages I found I was washed with a whole new wave of hope for my own journey in rescuing the souls I love.  It gave me the hope that, ultimately, God can reach the lost without my help but if does he call me it is an honor I’d better respond to.  When Hadassah grows in her newfound strength through Christ and becomes his vessel for as a healer and then as a caregiver I found myself challenged to allow God to take even more control in my life.  It was through Hadassah’s story that I realized I wasn’t as fully willing to do anything God wanted and felt so inspired to give way to my new-found barriers.  I was convicted to put all my faith in God even when circumstances seem impossible and that even the farthest from God can find Him if I can only deliver an abundance of love and prayer.  The lesson that particularly stuck out to me was from Hadassah’s story and the way she took care of Julia.  I hope and pray that I can have as much grace and patience when, one day, I find myself a caregiver.

Just as in A Voice in the Wind I loved the way the storytelling shed new light and meaning onto the history of the Bible.  An Echo in the Darkness takes place several years after Jesus’ death on the cross, shortly after the reign of Nero.  At this point the only apostle left living is John and the reader gets to encounter him within the story.  Because of the chosen time period Rivers was able to bring to life the context in the time Jesus was alive with stories from characters who met and followed him and brought even stronger context to the letters that follow the New Testament Gospel.   I would even go as far to say that I even better understood some aspects of the old testament because my perception of the New Testament was clarified. Because of this series I have found it is so educational to learn about the Bible through a story.  I love that now I can say I much better understand the New Testament letters because I have a good grasp on their historical context.

Any dislike for the book started and ended with the quality of writing.  In A Voice in the Wind I was frustrated with the lack of care in the writing but I found An Echo in the Darkness to be much better.  With the exception of still too much switching between points-of-view, long-winded Biblical excerpts within the story, and a sometimes choppy or unprofessional approach to writing, this second novel was, overall, much better in the quality of writing.

CONCLUSION

Just as with A Voice in the Wind, I strongly recommend this book to anyone but especially to seekers and believers.  It brought the Bible to life in ways I haven’t experienced before and helped me to understand my faith better because of it – that’s such a valuable experience to have.  Heck, I hope and plan to read them again, maybe even once a year.  The lessons I learned from the character molding are so valuable for the assertion of exhibiting a life resting on childlike faith – hoping on hope that ultimately God’s will prevails despite our shortcomings and sometimes because of our shortcomings.  I gave new meaning to the idea that “God works for the good of those who love him” and “He works all things for His greater good” – because of this story I was able to tangibly see how it’s sometimes the death and destruction of the world that can ultimately lead a soul to salvation.  But what I loved most about this book was that it called me out of myself.  I wasn’t even aware I had retreated into the recesses of me until I saw more tangible ways to be a servant and to be more self-sacrificing to others and to the Creator.  It challenged me to see the people God had surrounded me with as my personal call to love and serve.

Please Pray for my Grandma

Posted on by

Dear friends,

It is not a blogging day, I dont’ usually post on Saturdays and Sundays, but I got news yesterday that my grandma has decided to stop her kidney dialysis treatment.  This means she may only have 2 weeks – 2 months longer to live.

I simply am desperate to see her find Jesus before she goes.  So I reach out to my network of readers in hopes to extend her prayer warriors beyond my family and small network of friends.  I know prayer can do great and wonderful things and I have faith that my grandma can still find the love of her life!  Even if she is a stubborn Norwegian 😉

Thank you so much for your support and your prayers!

Love,

Kaia Calhoun

A Big Stroke of Pride and a Little Touch of Grace

Posted on by

Tonight Josh and I decided to try out the Midweek service at Willow Creek Community Church.  We were tardy so worship had already started.

Today I hadn’t managed to take a picture yet so I brought my camera and resolved to get that out of the way before we even sat down.  I paused at the back of the sanctuary, so as not to disrupt or distract anyone, and before I could even remove my lens cap I was reprimanded.  I think the woman came over to ask me a question but as soon as she saw my camera all she had to say was something like, “no pictures.”  Then she walked away.  Three things crossed my mind all at once:

  1. “In today’s age? I bet you someone is taking a picture with their iPhone right now.”
  2. “Ouch.”
  3. “I think I might just leave now.”

I was flabbergasted at her audacity to ask me not to take a pictures.  I honestly didn’t think cameras were forbidden anywhere but a few select places anymore, and I didn’t think Willow Creek (the land of escalators, a vast assortment of stage lights, electric guitars, and videographers) would be one of them.  It is the age of the smart phone.

Her words struck a big, “do not touch” Kaia button.  I don’t handle reprimanding very well.  I take it personally.

I was utterly crushed.  Now, you might be thinking, come on Kaia, grow some thick skin.  Well, I didn’t run out of the room crying and remain sobbing in the bathroom for hours and that is big for me.  Because, when I was a kid, if I EVER got reprimanded it was the end of the world.  I would stow myself away in my room, broken to bits, for hours.  Even when my parents repeatedly tried to coax me out of my crushing self-loathing I remained.  Am I sensitive?  I guess you could say that.

Now-a-days, I grit my teeth and let the parade of negative thoughts scream in my brain while remaining utterly silent on the exterior.

The rest of the service was tainted.  I tried to sing along with the worship songs but I couldn’t even open my mouth.  I tried to pray but I couldn’t focus.  I tried to listen to the message and, at best, I retained scraps.

I thought about leaving.  I had a somewhat sick, mild satisfaction when we did, indeed, exit the doors we had come through before “no pictures.”  An evil part of me was thinking, “good, I hope you think you deterred me from church.”  But, in fact, we just went upstairs to sit in the balcony because there was noticeably more space.

I literally spent THE REST of the service mulling over the whole situation.  I went through all sorts of waves of emotions ranging from self-degradation, self-loathing, bitterness, anger, alienation, and nothing.  I rehearsed several different versions of conversing with her over in my head, ranging from confrontation to blessing.  In the end, I just let it go.

This whole experience shed a lot of light into a lot of dark places in my heart though.  I was disgusted to find that, even though I grew up in the church and follow Christ faithfully, I was so quick to judge that woman and dismiss the church service.  And because of that I suddenly stepped into the shoes of a unbeliever stepping into the church for the first time.  I was horrified to think of that woman approaching a unbeliever that way.  She was the only person that uttered a word to me the whole hour and a half I was there and the best she had was “no pictures.”  Of course I know the church has problems and we are only people, but I know so many unbelievers who don’t know that and expect perfection of Christians. They, most likely, would not be forgiving or be willing to try a second time.  And I wouldn’t blame them.

As my range of thoughts and feelings rampaged around there were a few clear and good ones.

I contemplated what I might have done differently if I were that woman, knowing what I know now.  I would have either not bothered with the camera, I mean really, or I would have gone ahead and informed 24-year-old me, but I wouldn’t have kept my words so patronizing and curt; I would have explained why “no pictures” briefly and asked if I could help find some seating for the young couple.  My raging defenses would have been tamed if she’d shown a little love within the interaction.

I also contemplated myself and how irrationally my head was spinning.  It took some convincing and a little prodding from the Holy Spirit but I slowly realized that she was probably just trying to serve, to do her job, and if I were going to do mine and show the grace God so frequently gives me… well I would have to let the matter go, forgive and forget, and see if I can’t withstand crumbling underneath criticism so rapidly and thoroughly next time.  I became painfully aware of my own fault and I think its name is pride.

So, here’s to moving forward 🙂

Until next time,

Kaia Calhoun

P.S. And now I have to go take a picture 😉  And… if you haven’t already, check out my 100th blog post HERE!  There’s a little surprise waiting for you there (eh hem… a giveaway drawing).