Tag Archives: faith

40 Days in the Desert | Day 5

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Once again, I am found slacking… when I made my commitment to posting every day of the Lenten season I had not anticipated a big life change.  A few days ago my grandma passed away and I’m stubbornly getting back on track today.

Day 5 | The Temptation to Doubt

A few weeks ago I had a terrible, but normal, moment where I could classify my feelings towards God as doubtful.  I had just crunched a bunch of numbers and realized our available finances could not fill our budget.  With much deliberating I was able to gather enough money to pay the bills but everything else fell by the wayside (even groceries and gas).

To clarify, this was a first.  God has so faithfully blessed Josh and I for following his calling for both of us to be daring and enter into the world of art rather than the land of a regular job with a regular pay check.  Normally, I bring in the monetary bulk from May – December with wedding season and fall family photos and Josh pulls the financial weight from January – April by playing for a whole bunch of church youth retreats.  In this season, however, we find ourselves scraping by because the Citizen Way is on an unpaid tour instead of in the middle of well paid retreats.

One of my top three spiritual gifts is faith so to shake me in that area is pretty significant.  When I found I didn’t have enough money to put gas in the car I spent a good amount of time mad at and stubbornly removed from God.

In Luke 4:3 Satan is attempting to tempt Jesus to doubt Christ’s true identity: “The devil said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.'”  This being said in the middle of a 40 day fast walking through a dessert would surely be hard to resist but Jesus counters with the truth in the Word of God: “Jesus answered, ‘It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone.””  Of course Jesus is wise enough to know that Satan is tempting him to do more than just take a suggestion of his but by allowing himself to listen to Satan at all he is giving him a foothold.

Times of questioning our faith are good.  It is important to be honest before our creator and always seeking for answers to hard questions.  However, it is also important to not give in so far as to succumbing to temptation and sin.  While questioning, keep your toes aligned with God’s path and your heart steeped in truth.  As you seek for answers keep your mind daily in the Word.

In my case, it’s hard to admit I doubted God because I’m not certain it was doubt I was experiencing.  I simply wasn’t sure if God wanted to provide for us.  I’m too keenly aware that, despite God’s promises of provision for those who love Him, He sometimes leads us down an undesirable path for the greater good of His kingdom or to test us and strengthen us toward Him in the process.  Ultimately I am willing to follow whatever road he sends me on and it’s important to remember that.  Finances are only the troubles of now and God will find a way to feed us and cloth us if not more than that.  Ultimately He is our Great Provider, our Savior, and our reason for living regardless of the circumstances!

Days 1 – 4 of 40 Days in the Desert posts…

CLICK… Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4

My Grandma Went Home to Jesus

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A couple of weeks ago I made a last-minute trip up to Minnesota to see my Grandma.  After I was informed she was stopping her dialysis treatment and moving into hospice I was desperate to connect with her one last time.  With a little extra push from my hubby I made the 7 hour trip, or 8 hours in this case since I drove through snow on the way up, and got to visit with her a couple of times before I had to head back home to shoot a wedding.  (CLICK HERE for the full story about that trip.)

On Friday Grandma took a turn for the worse.  My mom called asking me to pray hard because she had gotten the call that Grandma was at her end and, if she wanted to be there to say goodbye, she had to get there right away.  With a 45 minute drive ahead of her my mom was desperate for some divine intervention so she could make it in time.

After calling Josh and praying with him and sending a quick text to my small group pleading for prayer, I got on my knees and prayed as hard as I’ve ever prayed.  I prayed for my mom to get to Grandma on time but I mostly prayed that God would claim my Grandma as one of His own before she breathed her last.  This was a common prayer for me in the last couple of years but never so desperately and fervently

As I prayed God kept talking over me.  When I finally was quite for a moment all I heard him say was “Kaia, stop praying for this, I already have her in the palm of my hand.  She is one of my own.”  My heart soared and I was filled with such peace and hope.

My mom did make it in time that day and my Grandma decided she wasn’t done with life yet.

On Monday, February 25 at around 6:30 am my strong-willed and spunky grandma breathed her last.  I awoke at 7:30 am to a voicemail from my dad with that news and my heart was so glad that she was finally safely home and no longer in pain.  As I listened through the voicemail I was given this beautiful vision of my white-haired, though obviously healthy, smiling Grandma.  It was a smile free of pain and struggle and a face so full of life and peace and love and joy.  She truly was so beautiful!  I really loved my grandma and my heart grieves that I can’t share and laugh with her anymore but I am so excited to see her again when I get to travel to paradise.

Today I am home in Minnesota again to spend time with my now orphaned mom and help her in any way I can.  We have planned the funeral for Tuesday, March 5, 2013 and, by the grace of God, my hubby is able to make it (he is currently on tour with Big Daddy Weave and Chris August so the fact that he can break away is amazing) AND do the music AND my father-in-law so graciously agreed to make the long trek up to the service.  God is so good!

Thank you all so much for your prayers, support, and encouragement.  We can feel the strength and peace that we are being given from your prayers!  You are a blessing!

40 Days in the Desert | Day 4

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Day 4 | Temptation Comes in the Highs and the Lows

I love how I find so many times in ready the Bible how it goes directly with lessons I’m learning or need to learn or problems that just came up.  This has been happening freakishly a lot lately and I am thankful.  Today is one such lesson.

My husband, Josh, is in a band called Citizen Way and they are currently touring the US with Big Daddy Weave and Chris August.  They have been gone for 2.5 weeks so far.  I also found out a week ago that my Grandma is dying.  The loneliness meshed with the heartbreak cast me into a very low valley.  Because of my struggle I found my mind weak and prone to letting in lies that ordinarily wouldn’t even register within me.  So not only was I feeling alone and grief-stricken but Satan took my low position as an opportunity to pounce and whisper lies into my weak mind and heart.  And why wouldn’t he?  I’m sure he knows that I am a huge, if not the biggest, sensitivity of Josh’s and he is currently out spreading the Lord’s love every day.  This is a high point in his ministry and a crucial time for Satan to try and bring us down.

I am blessed with fantastic parents so when I was talking to them a couple days ago the both called it out as spiritual warfare.  And guess what?  Since we prayed over my weakness and for Satan to back off I have been just fine.  God is so good!

Jesus is dealing with something just like this in Luke 4.  He is on the brink of his ministry, he just got baptized and is entering into his major years of ministry.  So when Satan has him all alone and vulnerable he seizes the opportunity to try and overcome the Son of God with fleshly needs and desires.

It is times like these, when we are vulnerable, that we need to be on our guard. And, if we are attacked by the evil one, to rest assured that we must be doing something right or are on the brink of something great for God or else he wouldn’t bother.

To Grandmother’s House I Went

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Some of you friends have been very faithful in prayer on behalf of my grandma and I thank you so much for your support in that!

I suddenly had enough of fretting about her situation in my empty house and resolved to set my sails to Minnesota to be sure I got to see her.  I decided last Tuesday evening, prepped myself all day Wednesday, and was finally on the road at around 6pm.  I should have waited until morning.

Ordinarily I avoid driving in the night at all costs.  In this case I was bent on getting there ASAP so I not only drove in the dark but I started my drive in the dark.  And then, about halfway through my drive, snow hit.  With the pitch black blanket of midnight sky cast by nighttime darkness and thick cloud cover my headlights seemed to barely pierce the endless darkness around me.  It was so dark that, for the first time in my life, I was actually grateful for light pollution when I came upon some because I could actually navigate my tires into and safely along the lone pair of treads set before me – there was not a snow plow in sight and the snow was only getting heavier so the freeway was covered with one thick snow blanket.  At one point I contemplated just pulling over and sleeping in the car until the snow passed, or until a snow plow came through, or until morning but I’m as much of a stubborn Norwegian as my grandma so I kept at it.

I passed five cars swallowed by ditches, nearly got sideswiped by an over-confident semi truck driver, and added an extra hour or so to my already 7 hour drive but I made it.

The next morning I awoke to coffee time with Mom and then we headed to visit Grandma.  I was hopeful in going to see her because only a couple of days before my mom told me how Grandma said something like this, “those who believeth and are baptized will be saved.”  Up until this point I thought my grandma was intentionally as far from finding God as possible.  I can’t say whether she has asked Jesus to be Lord over her life, though hopefully I will find that out soon, I can say that knowing she quoted scripture gave me hope that if she didn’t already she might be much more up for it than I thought!

My time with Grandma was lovely and gave me peace.  Honestly, my Grandma is a hoot to hang with.  We talked a lot about Josh, I think she has a little crush on him ;), and I tried to get her to tell me stories from her childhood.

On the last day I was home I went to visit her by myself.  I brought the dogs and Josh’s music so she could meet my furry kiddos and hear some rough cuts of Citizen Way’s new album coming out in the next couple months.  She was amused by my pups until Sam tried to snuggle one too many times and drew blood on her fragile skin with his persistently knife-like claws.  So I put them away and put the music on.  She reclined and listened intently to every tune I played for her.  I’m pretty sure she couldn’t have possibly understood the lyrics but I was praying all the while that the words would sink into her heart anyway.  After she tired of music we chatted. At one point she dozed off and she was so still that I thought she died right in front of me!  But, just before I asked Gene, her 24 hour caregiver, for help, Grandma spoke again behind me.  Thank the Lord!  I was so freaked!

Before I left I asked if I could pray for Grandma.  “Oh yeah!” she said.  A much more enthusiastic response than I expected so my heart fluttered even more hopefully for her.  After the prayer and a gentle, awkward stooping hug and said goodbye.  I said “I love you Grandma” and she said “drive safe” (she doesn’t say “I love you”) and that’s all I know for now.

I have written her a postcard and called her since but I have nothing else major to report.  She is gradually but surely declining daily in health as the toxins seep into her blood but she’s a tough old lady and is hanging in there.  I’m still so hopeful I will get to see her at least one more time when I go up in about a week for a ski trip with my brother.

Continue praying for her salvation until I find out for sure whether or not she professes Jesus Christ as her savior but please also pray for her pain and that she can keep a sound mind until I know for sure she’s in God’s hands 🙂

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The flowers are the Valentines flowers we got her 🙂

40 Days in the Desert | Challenge 3

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Day 3 | Keep the Word of the Lord on Your Heart

A couple of days ago I gave you the challenge to “read the Bible today.” Today I want to take you another step further.

Challenge 3 | Find a Chair

A couple of weeks ago I heard one of those life changing sermons at church. And a few days ago I started digging in Jesus’ 40 days in the desert. Bill’s sermon at church got me to commit to reading my Bible daily. The reading I’ve been doing in Luke 4 has made me realize anew why keeping the Word on my heart is so important.

I attend Willow Creek Community Church and Bill Hybels was in the middle of a series called “Moving Forward” when he challenged the entire congregation, through testimony and truth, to “find a chair” and commit to reading the Bible daily. I started right away and what I particularly loved about this message is that is wasn’t a vague challenge to get into the Bible. No, Bill said to find a chair and commit to reading the Bible for 10 – 15 minutes daily. He even suggested to start in Luke if we needed help deciding where to start. I love a good challenge, if you can’t tell, so I excitedly committed and have been working my way through the New Testament letters.

Bill outlined the task specifically but he also pointed out that it is important to make reading the Bible a part of your day that you look forward to. By choosing a favorite chair and maybe sitting with a cup of coffee or a cozy blanket reading your Bible becomes an experience, not just a bothersome requirement or task.

In Luke 4 Jesus’ weapon against the temptations Satan throws at him is the Word. In response to Satan’s persistent prodding Jesus simply states the scripture that reveals the lies (Luke 4: 4, 8, 12).

Now I turn around and challenge you to pick your chair and set out to reading your Bible for 10 – 15 minutes daily. I promise you will find that keeping the Bible on your heart and at the forefront of your mind will move your faith forward and bring your heart closer to God.

Perhaps you could be so kind as to come back here and share with me what you have made your experience look like 🙂 Or send me a picture of your chair!