First Kicks

Posted on by
Bemusings of a Baby Life

– 28 weeks pregnant

I have to admit, I didn’t much enjoy baby’s movements until recently.  This little kiddo started wiggling very early and noticeably kicked Josh for the first time at 16 weeks.  I was excited at first of course, then the constant squirming in my belly felt more like a bad case of the butterflies or poorly processing bowel movements.  I started feeling a little bad about my feelings because I kept being told by other moms stuff like “isn’t that the best!” or “oh I miss feeling my baby like that.”  But a week or so ago I finally joined the ranks of moms who view baby’s movements fondly.

I had a wicked stomach bug a couple of weeks ago; with my already struggling digestion and a baby moving around constantly the addition of the vomitous mass threatening to explode at any moment and my diarrhea infested intestines I was miserable.  They all said getting sick when pregnant is the worst and they were right!  I have never had the flu for more than 48 hours and this bug lasted a week, caging me in my bed for 3 of those days.  Then, when my flu finally fled for good I found myself in love with feeling my baby move.

I love falling asleep with my hands on my belly feeling baby kick me here and head bump me there.  I love that I can tell where baby’s butt is and the difference between getting punched or kicked.  I have learned that this baby particularly likes the drums.  A couple of weeks back I sang with Josh at Central Christian Church.  Our friend Dustin would hammer the drums at different points in the set and every time the baby unleashed an unprecedented dance party.  That was very distracting but I loved it.   Actually, I grinned like a fool on that stage.  Sometimes I swear the baby is playing the surface of my belly like a piano or the drums.  Other times, I’m fairly certain the baby is trying to tickle me from the inside.

As Josh and I were watching a show the other night I was experiencing a particularly active session with baby.  As I held my baby through my belly I muttered “I love this baby.”  And I do.  Josh said, “And you were worried about not loving our baby.”  And I was.  I had heard stories about women who birthed their babies and when they saw them for the first time they didn’t feel anything.  I heard that, in some cases, it took the mom a few days to fall in love with their baby.  It was my understanding this was primarily due to the fact that these women expected their baby to look a different way.  Well, I have no clue what my baby looks like, but I do know I already love them wholly and completely.  I would do anything to keep them safe and show them love.  I even have dreams, ok nightmares, about getting attacked and all I’m thinking in these dreams now-a-days is how I could position myself to defend my baby against the assailant.  My instincts are to use my body to shield my baby belly from whatever may threaten to harm my little treasure.

I truly am looking forward to meeting this baby and experiencing love in a whole new way.  I’m excited to use what I learn about love from loving my baby to better love everyone else better too.

Second Trimester Pregnancy Symptoms

Posted on by
Bemusings of a Baby Life

My symptoms in my 12 – 24 weeks of pregnancy.

  1. Little Miss Cranky Pants.

    Yup, I’ve been a hot button waiting to be pushed ever so slightly for several weeks now.  I remember the first day I woke up cranky.  I remember the second day I woke up cranky.  I remember the third day I woke up cranky and thought, “What the heck?!”  Isn’t a lady only supposed to be cranky for two days tops?  That’s how it was during a regular menstruation cycle.  This isn’t that different right?  Well, apparently it’s worlds different because I’m still cranky many weeks later and finally beginning to figure out how to be peppy and joyful despite my inherently sour disposition.  For example, I have recently stopped reaming Sam out every time he doesn’t come the minute I call him in from outdoor tinkle time.  That is a big victory and gives me hope as a mommy.  I figure there will be plenty more times in life when I’m cranky but will have to deal with icky parenting moments despite my bad mood.  Also, I have discovered cooking and working out are wonderful coping mechanisms for a bad mood.  I now do both almost every day.  Lastly, I am very devoted to my devotions.  I feel very committed to praying for my bad mood every day.  God is good and helps me cope quite well.

  2. Lower Back Pain.

    I thought lower back pain was reserved for the ginormous pregnant lady?  Like, maybe when I’m 8 – 9 months.  I mean, come on body get a grip!  This lower back pain is a beast!  It’s angrily lingering just above my pants line all day.  It feels like a muscle that was worked hard the previous day and is in need of a good, long stretch.  I try to stretch it.  I feel good.  And then I release the stretch and I feel just as bad as when I started.  What has actually worked is going to the chiropractor about once a week, turns out my sacrum keeps shifting out of place to the right, and yoga!  If I start slacking though I pay for it in pain!

  3. Did My Hip Just Pop Out of Socket?

    There’s no rhyme or reason, suddenly my hip just slides out of socket.  It hurts and I can’t move because that makes it hurts more.  But, if I move a very particular way that is impossible to describe my hip will slide back into place.  Maybe you’ll be around sometime to watch this event unfold.  On the up side, working with the chiropractor and going to yoga has also now cured this!  I still have the occasional slip but it’s usually the day I’m due at the chiropractor or just a minor infraction.

As you can see, my grocery list of symptoms is shorter than in previous stages of pregnancy (First Symptoms and More Symptoms)… YAY!

Stuck in Kentucky

Posted on by

Last week Josh and I made a semi impromptu trip down to Nashville.  We heard, a little last-minute, that he was to receive a Performance Award for How Sweet the Sound at SESAC’s annual award ceremony so we moved things around and made a trip!

I came down with a wicked stomach bug on Friday, we were due to hit the road Monday morning.  I was trapped in bed Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  Monday morning I somehow felt just well enough to commit to a 10 hour trip to Nashville.  Mind you, I was far from comfortable, the combo of baby belly and flu was unpleasant to say the least, but I did the trip cheerfully.  Then we hit the ice tundra from Narnia in southern Kentucky.  Turns out they had been hit with an icy snow storm.  Ice first, then snow.  I recalled a visual of semi folded around a light pole along the side of the road mere miles behind us.  I guess I should have seen that as an omen of bad road conditions because we were suddenly confined to one lane creeping along with a band of semis at 20 mph.  Granted this “good” lane was more than speckled with black ice and rough snow mole holes but our car felt plenty secure at 40 mph.  However, if we wanted to pass anyone we had to pull up onto a 3 inch thick shoulder of ice that was the other “lane.”  Twenty miles per hour was painful in the “good” lane, but it turns out that even that speed was too much to hope to pass when traveling on a shelf of glare ice.  After 10 miles and 45 minutes of this we decided to jump ship in hopes that the morning would behold clear highways.  We pulled off for a Super 8.  I entered the establishment with my bags in tow while Josh parked the car and requested a room.  The woman simply replied that they were all filled up and so was the whole town of hotels and the next couple of towns down along the highway too.  Our next hope was at least two exits further down the treacherous and obnoxiously slow-going road.

We took a stab at patiently braving the slow going road, hoping eventually the traffic would relent or the left lane would have received some treatment.  I kept glancing at my GPS.  I saw angry red dots lining our road for about 100 miles.  With some of those dots behind us I realized those dots signified the start and end points of such road conditions. That also meant our road conditions weren’t expected to improve until we reached Tennessee, another 90 miles away.  At this revelation we decided to take a stab at another hotel.  This time we called first.  The only place I could find was a Super 7.  That’s right, a Super 7.  I’ve never heard of it either.  The lady said they had one room left.  When we reached the town we saw our hotel prospect.  It was definitely the place to stay to get mugged or murdered. Then we spotted a Super 8 across the street.  I walked in, unloaded this time, and asked if they had vacancy.  She replied she had one room so $90.09 later we had a crappy room for the night and we couldn’t have been happier about it!  As she charged my card I asked about the roads.  Turns out the storm happened not that day at all but the previous day.  So then I was compelled to ask about the roads.  She stated that Kentucky doesn’t employ state plows.

The next morning we woke early and hit the road again.  The roads were in the same condition we left them in but at least we now had daylight on our side again.

We patiently traversed the roads, occasionally passing someone when we had a patch of less threatening left lane.  We saw a sign “Welcome to Tennessee.”  If you were to draw a line from the sign across the highway that is the spot when the roads suddenly were completely devoid of a trace of snow or ice.

Thank you Tennessee.  Kentucky, not impressed.

First Heart Beat

Posted on by
Bemusings of a Baby Life

– story takes place November 18, 2014 at 10 weeks.

The firsts of life fill the voids of dull days with excitement and anticipation. With a first pregnancy a whole new world of firsts opens before your eyes. Unlike experiencing your own firsts in childhood or all the firsts that come along with getting married, having a baby places you in the passenger seat of these first experiences. When your baby first kicks you it is your first experience feeling the kick but it is, in fact, the baby that dictated that moment, not you. I’m slowly realizing the only experience that puts a new mom in the driver’s seat, my only moment of remote control, in this process of growing life is the birth experience. Besides natural biology, it is your will that pushes your baby into the world – that baby doesn’t do a thing to help you. Then you get to watch your baby grow and experience the many firsts within their young life. Again you are in the passenger seat but, perhaps, more along the lines of a drivers ed teacher. So much of your child’s early life is dictated, inspired, and steered by your guidance and involvement but, ultimately, it is up to your baby to actually take those first steps and say those first words.

Dialing back into the world of pregnancy, I quickly discovered just how new my whole world would be. On top of carrying a new little life around with me everywhere I also started moving through a progression of pregnancy symptoms, my body started changing and I’ve been told it will never be the same again, and I suddenly have another person to factor in when making any decisions – short or long term. I feel like the moment I get a handle on taking care of one pregnancy symptom I suddenly graduate to the next pregnancy symptom. Going hand in hand with the symptoms is my sometimes visibly, sometimes not so visibly changing body. Early on in my pregnancy I remember my midwife telling me to pamper myself because my body was taking on enormous amounts of stress. I supposed she was right but didn’t remotely sense or understand how my tiny baby bump could cause such stress. Well, here I am a few months later and I completely get it. And then there’s the last puzzle piece, I don’t even have my baby in my arms and yet I have to plan my career out differently, I have to set travel plans considering my pregnant state, and I even have to look at my food and decide whether or not it’s a good choice for the baby.

All of these thoughts and concerns whizzed through my mind during the first trimester. My brain was a planet full of questions with no answers. Then I heard my baby’s heartbeat. I remember this moment in slow motion. I was lying on my back with my belly and too much of my lower territory exposed. The moment my midwife located the heart beat she handed the ear piece to me. I had a brief hold up before I accepted. In the back of my mind I had wanted Josh to hear the baby’s heartbeat first but in my stupor of excitement I couldn’t manage to decipher how to redirect this course of action so I simply took them and fumbled them onto my head. In the mere seconds I allowed myself to hear that precious beating before passing the ears over to Josh I felt my swelling mass of unknowns suddenly shrink into oblivion. The knowledge of the healthy little life within me was all I needed to mellow out. Suddenly and finally I had confirmation that my baby was safe and I was put at ease that if I didn’t do anything to harm our baby yet I could probably carry them safely through the rest of the pregnancy and into my eager arms.

Just as I was realizing my newfound peace I got to watch Josh’s face light up and hear him gasp in awe as he heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time.

Things People Don’t Tell You About Being Pregnant

Posted on by
Bemusings of a Baby Life

– written February 11, 2013 at 22 weeks.

So there are a good number of things I was aware about when it comes to being pregnant.  There are normal “symptoms,” body changes, and anticipation.  Of course, experiencing the reality of pregnancy is different than hearing about it, but besides that there were a couple additional surprises that came my way after I got knocked-up.

  1. People don’t just parent your parenting style when you’re carting around a kiddo (because I’ve heard this is very common)… apparently that starts at pregnancy.

    I’ve gotten all sorts of private Facebook messages and otherwise unsolicited advice about how to be a good mom to your baby during pregnancy.  Unsolicited is the key word.  People tell you what you should and shouldn’t be eating, what you must buy, that you have to breast feed, that you have to use a doula, that you have to go to Le Le Leche meetings, that you have to take a birthing class… At first, I was livid.  Each time I received such doses of advice I would talk myself down from my boiling point by rationalizing that no one was actually trying to be rude or bossy (even though they were) and that they were probably just trying to help.  That works for me.  I have also found that the more selective I am with sharing my pregnancy via statuses the better.  Truth is, the more I thought about how much this bothered me the more I realized it was probably a matter of pride.  It always feels like a slap in the face to realize a matter of pride.  That being said, I have gotten much better about accepting advice, whether asked for or not.

  2. Suddenly you will feel old.

    I understood that there probably would be plenty of times during pregnancy when I wouldn’t feel sexy and I would feel uncomfortable.  What I didn’t expect was to be having to rise slowly out of a seated or lying down position even this early in the pregnancy.  My lower back and abdomen protest in ways I didn’t expect to experience until far later into the pregnancy.  I watch older folks get out of their seats and realize all over again that I look exactly like that now-a-days.

Now you know.  You’re welcome 😉