-written April 2017

Sometimes I write to my girls and don’t hit “publish” right away.  This post was written in April 2017 and this picture was taken in April 2017.  Truth is, this was the only night I did this sleep routine with Penny.  But, what I learned through this night of a new sleep tactic, is that giving myself (and her) a grace period of 5 – 15 minutes after laying her down to sleep was a great amount of time to give myself a reboot to either go back in and help her or for her to choose to peacefully give in to sleep on her own.

I’d love to hear from you other fellow moms what worked best for you and your baby to find sleep, and why.  Comment below!

My sweet Penny,

Some nights ago I started a new method of “sleep training.”  I’ve tried to be gentle and get you to sleep on your own without you crying about it.  But after some souls searching and enough sleepless nights stacked up in a row I did some more research.  Again.  This is what I found.

Baby sleep training: The basics

And then this.

Baby sleep training: Cry it out methods

So last night I let you cry for 5 minutes, then 10, then 15, then 15 until over an hour had gone by and you were still stubbornly screaming.  I was ripped up to my core:  on the one hand, devastated at your sadness; on the other, downright ticked off that you were refusing to do what I knew you knew to do.  My last ditch effort was a reset.  So I changed your diaper, put some Garlic Mullen drops in your ear (because you’re just coming off of an ear infection), and laid you back down.  You didn’t make a peep, you finally went to sleep.

Moments like this are so trying.  It hurts my heart to hear you cry like that but it also hurts yours and my physical beings to be so severely sleep deprived.  Sleep has to win Penny.  And I pray so hard that, through this sleep teaching process, that we both are only the better for it.  That you still smile and laugh so much.  And that you also learn to love your crib and sleep.  That our bond is untainted.

I love you Penny.

Now, please sleep.

Love,

Mommy

For a post written in August (edited and posted only now) it seemed fitting to feature a picture from August as well.  Besides, I figure we all could use a little green on this dreary winter day.

Dear Maisy,

Lately, I’ve been struck by my tone.  Even as the words spill out of my mouth I hear how I sound and I wish I could catch them mid air and put them back in my mouth and swallow them.  Why can’t I stop myself?  Why do the words come out even when the better half of my being only wants to love and respect you.  Why is it always the yucky half of me that gets the louder word in moments like that?

I want to be so patient with you.  I don’t want to make you feel like your questions are stupid or like your words don’t matter or like your needs are frivolous.  Because they aren’t, ever.  And I truly mean that.  And yet, I know my tone says otherwise because I grow impatient and tired of the endless demands of a full day taking care of small children.  It’s not your fault.  And I want to do better.  I pray that as I’m trying to learn to correct this bad tone that you have the grace to know my true desire is always to show you love and respect.

With all my heart,

Mommy

Dear Maisy,

It seems I had this subconscious belief of children:  that children are born full of sin.  I love that the truth is quite the opposite:  children are born only into the light and strive to please the ones they love most.  Now I don’t know why I ever thought otherwise.

There are so many moments within every single day when I’m left stunned into silence with the biggest smile pasted on my face when you do something out of the pure goodness of your own heart.  The one that takes the cake, for probably a very long time, is the moment you spent your very own money for the very first time.  What did you choose to buy for your first time ever?  My birthday present.  This is the story of how we got to that proud and heart-melting moment.

A few days before my birthday, Daddy took me on my birthday fun day.  The sitter shows up and you find out Daddy and I are leaving for my birthday date.  You were devastated, “Mommy I want to come to your birthday too.”

I rapidly realized my mistake and started talking you through the details of my birthday plans and that we fully intended to celebrate my birthday day with the family, you included.  I said we would be going out for breakfast and I’d get to open my presents.  You were still sobbing so I started asking you some questions.

“What do you want to do for my birthday?

“I want to have your birthday cake.”

“Ok, awesome, that’s a great idea!  We’ll have birthday cake.”

But you were still crying.

“Would it make you feel better if you picked out your very own birthday present for me?”

Your face lit up and you stopped crying immediately.

“Yeah!”

“Well, what do you say we go shopping for my birthday present on my birthday?”

You were no longer crying and were full of excitement to be a part of my special day.

Come my birthday you decided to buy me a plant for my present so I took you to Oak Village (a greenery in town).  We walked in and I touched a white mums plant on reserve by the counter and commented on how pretty it was.  When we stepped outside you spotted a similar white mum and chose it promptly for my gift.

We made our way to the counter to buy the mums and I helped you count out four dollars.  Yup, we struck a major deal on our mums due to a sale and a discount due to minor flaw in the flowers we chose.  I also think it probably had a little something to do with the adorable three year old handing over her very own money to buy flowers for her mom’s birthday present.

This has to be my very favorite present ever.  I was given the gift of my daughter’s first purchase.  I was also given a very favorite gift, a plant.  I planted those mums in the garden in our front yard so, if the mums’ roots survive the winter, I’ll get to relive that gift and memory every summer we live in this little house.

You’re the best.

Love,

Mommy